suture express Archives by Mark Murnahan

DIY Marketing: Who is Huffing Detergent at Ichabod LaundraBar?

Ichabod Laundry Marketing Hair and Drool

I don’t mind do-it-yourself (DIY) marketing efforts when the do-it-yourselfer is earnestly trying to make an impact. I sincerely try to help them with good tips and ideas. Let’s face it, though, it is easy to laugh at the majority of novice marketing efforts.

I can drone on about terrible marketing, but so much of it has already been said. I mean, I already tried to warn people with “7 Reasons Your Marketing Sucks“, and there are many really useful articles in my blog archive.

For some people, there is simply little future of a marketing career. Reading about it, talking about it, Facebooking about it, tweeting about it, and trying their very best will simply reflect the long-standing rules of survival of the fittest.

These are the creators of marketing efforts that make room for a new spot on Darwin’s evolutionary chart. You can call me a jerk for pointing them out, but pointing out weakness and explaining a better way ultimately serves a greater purpose. Besides just that, the marketing hall of shame is often good for a laugh. I find a lot of laughable examples online, and I will share some of them again, in case you missed these earlier articles. Each of them make good points about bad marketing.

Bloomingdale’s department stores: Will Bloomingdale’s Sue Over Meta Tags and a Link?
NASCAR race teams: NASCAR Start and Park Sponsorship is Marketing Absurdity
Fisker Automotive: Fisker Automotive Fisker Karma vs. Social Media Karma
The Wizard: Hiring SEO Tip: The Wizard Mutual Fund Management Cannot Bullshit Me!
Ray Skillman: Ray Skillman, Indianapolis Car Dealer Review: Bad Social Media and SEO
Suture Express: Suture Express Executives Scramble to Fix Lies
US Airways: Is US Airways Listening to Social Media? Are You Listening?.

Today, I submit Ichabod LaundraBar.

I respect the value of polarizing an audience and not trying to make everybody happy, but apparently some people think it means to just randomly turn away business without forethought or purpose.

Enter a Dog Infested “Ichabod LaundraBar”

What do you picture when you think about your laundry? Maybe a summer breeze blowing as your clothes hang on the line at the edge of a grassy meadow? Maybe nicely folded fluffy towels dropping one upon another in a perfectly lit studio re-enactment of your laundry day bliss? I guess some laundry detergent corporations try to promote that, but let’s use some brain cells, and let’s begin today!

Those paint a beautiful picture, but can you imagine all of those nasty bugs you will find in your pockets and the airborne dirt and pollen making your shirts look like crap? As for the glamor of those fluffy towels, if that looks so compelling, I welcome you to come and fold my laundry.

Let me tell you, we have a laundry company in my town that can take those bugs and airborne filth to a whole new level! They can make the vision of clean and fluffy towels and turn them into sour and musty rags that you found crumpled up behind a washing machine.

Branding Tip: Public Does Not See it Like You Do!

Really? Can the marketing of a company truly make that significant of a difference in consumer impression? Yes, my friends, it can … and it hit me with a nasty whiff of mildew and dog poo just moments ago when I witnessed the profile photo of a laundry bar Facebook Page that I would describe as a really nasty looking mouth-breathing hell hound.

Let me skip back a step. Have you heard of a laundry bar? It is the kind of place where college students can mingle in their worst laundry day attire, but they don’t mind, because they can also buy a cheap beer! I am sure that some of us who were around before the laundry bar concept can remember setting aside a cool pair of acid washed jeans and a nice Guess shirt before heading off for our laundry day humility, but there is no need for that today. At a laundry bar, the otherwise scrutinizing eyes of those sexy people around you will be blurred with suds of another sort. Beer!

What I just cannot wrap my mind around is how a dog logically fits into that picture. If it requires a story of how that dog safely landed an airliner full of laundry executives and saved hundreds of lives after the pilot died from ring around the collar, just to understand it, then it is not good branding.

Would You Market a Laundry Bar Like This?

In my opinion, they should be running some A/B comparison testing across various demographics between items such as follows:

A.) “Laundry Sucks: You may as well have a beer and shoot some pool.”

B.) “Hot Guys Do Laundry: This is where the ladies come to watch them do it!”

Then they could measure which ad achieved the greater response rate, and among which test demographic. Then they could begin to build a customer model to help guide their other marketing efforts more efficiently. No, that probably sounds too scientifickey and complex. That kind of thing is surely only useful for big Fortune 500 companies, right? That is not for this company, so they roll with the ghetto dog theme, instead.

I’m talking about a laundry bar. Better yet, a laundry bar across the street from a university. There is surely a better way to reach potential customers!

Finding your way in marketing and knowing how to rally the customers takes more than a quick moment at the computer. It should involve a lot of steps, including data collection, forecasting, psychographic modeling, and a lot more. The best results come with big portions of marketing talent and creativity.

Maybe they think their best target demographic places little value on cleanliness, or is at least very relaxed about it. Maybe they just didn’t think about it at all. As long as that is the case, they will probably do better to stick with the party crowd, and de-emphasize promoting their full-service laundry.

Ichabod LaundraBar Marketing Department Brilliance

This brings me to a point of how DIY marketing can take a huge fundamental turn toward failure. Many companies will see themselves in a totally blurred way. They think they know how others view their brand, but they screw it all up in their creatively destructive ways. In this case, it is a traditionally sacred space of college students … a laundry bar. They are pushing for a broadened market that has some money to spend. So, they seek busy people like me to drop off my clothes to be laundered, and then pick them up later. That is great, but we have about a squillion places in town that offer laundry services. This is the only one that gives me the strong impression that my laundry may come back with more filth than when I dropped it off.

Ichabod LaundraBar Wants to Wash Your Clothes ... Woof!

I may be the minority here. I have not done the market research for this company, and I don’t know them at all. I am just an outside observer, just like anybody else who encounters them. However, it seems pretty clear to me that a smiling bartender serving a box of detergent and a mug of beer is a whole lot more appealing than promoting clean laundry with a hairy, drooling, mouth-breathing hell hound. To me, that is extremely repulsive, regardless of how cuddly, loving, sweet smelling, clean, and obedient that dog is … it is a DOG! Even to dog lovers, it still surely feels a lot less clean than their own dog’s slobber, hair, dander, and poo.

In my opinion, putting a big hairy slobbering dog on a Facebook Page promoting clean laundry makes about as much sense as a Doberman having a love affair with a Chihuahua. It not only paints a picture of absurdity, it cannot be a very productive relationship.

A Better Approach to Facebook Marketing
I wrote a nice four step plan for Facebook marketing. It covered the steps of creating a Facebook Page, customer modeling, promoting, and growing awesomeness. It does not include random placement of dog photos. Here you go:

Facebook Marketing: Pages, Customer Modeling, Promoting, and Awesomeness

Effective DIY Marketing Requires Thinking Before Doing!

Why do companies still try to do their own marketing without at least thinking before they click? I may never understand it, but I welcome even the worst marketers to subscribe and learn, before they end up with people who are not as nice as me to explain things. People may call me a bastard, a jerk, a prick, or an ass for pointing things out this way. What they will likely never notice is that my saying it is a whole lot kinder than the way others point it out. They don’t say a word about it, and they simply take their money somewhere else. In this case, somewhere more hygienic.

People who believe that simply putting their company name on Facebook is a good idea, without any marketing strategy that is defined beyond “tell more people” or “make more money” are exactly why I very seldom work with small companies. Far too many small companies are doomed to remain small, simply because they are too impatient, apathetic, or their thinking is otherwise crippled.

OK, dog lovers … go ahead and tell me how brilliant it is and why you think the dog is so damn adorable. Your comments are welcome.

UPDATE: I heard form the owner of Ichabod LaundraBar and had a nice chat. She let me know that the dog is not a resident of the laundry bar, but just a mascot.

I wish them the best, and I hope they will feel free to reach out for some free ideas anytime.

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Sutures: Another Reason I Love and Hate Marketing

You may say that marketing is not worth the time, effort, and monetary investment that others claim. Maybe it really isn’t what separates companies within an industry. It could just be luck which drives a company beyond their competitors’ boundaries and makes them successful in business. Maybe it is an awesome product at amazingly low cost supplied by a company that is willing to work hard while going broke. Yes, perhaps that is the real secret to success, and maybe the moon landing was a hoax, too.

The reasons for apprehension about marketing could be any of a squillion things which you can rationalize in your own mind, or it could simply be that you are scared to bankruptcy by the thought of putting a lot of money and hope into something you have pre-qualified as “doomed to fail”. Now, would you like to know why most marketing is doomed to fail, or would you rather just read another blog, buy another book, listen to another lecture, and follow what every other failed company that ever walked in your shoes did wrong?

I like to imagine that most companies would prefer to learn things without hastening failure, but I have been shocked before. In fact, I am shocked very often by things I learn while interviewing a prospective new client. Something I find most shocking is when smart people think that marketing is a matter of implementation, while strategy and planning go out the window. I hope you will have a little fun with this example I am about to spell out, because I will.

Oh No! Another Suture Hopeful

Sutures are those things that many people refer to as “stitches”. You know, like the kind you get when you bump your head and lose all of your logic.

I received an email message from the delighted VP of a surgical supply manufacturer a few weeks ago. He read and laughed his way to the bank about a story I wrote to exemplify an online marketing failure. He had every reason to love the story, because it was one of my best wrist-slaps of 2010 to a company that, in layman’s terms, “screwed the pooch”. You can say that it was an edgy move, but when this VP’s rival stiffed their marketing guy, they became an interesting study in just how bad a company can be represented online. I don’t go picking on companies indiscriminately, but I do carry a pretty big sword to wield against aggressors. In fact, this example has provided much amusement and joy to a whole lot of people in my industry.

The company who received my defensive wrist-slap was Suture Express. If you wonder why this rival surgical supply VP was delighted by my work, just perform a search on Google for Suture Express and read the first couple pages of results to find out how much love I gave them. They wanted search engine optimization, and they got it. In fact, they got enough search engine ranking that even the rival VP found me using a search for his own company name.

If Google deserves to be a verb to describe searching something online, then Suture Express has perhaps earned their place as a verb to describe companies who sabotage their online marketing hopes.

Anyway, this is not about Suture Express’ lies, or Suture Express CFO, Brian Forsythe. It is about having the guts to pull the trigger, and to understand that marketing is a huge factor in making or breaking a company.

I spoke with the amused surgical supply VP, and he was a joy to meet. He told me that he had a great laugh from my work, and that he could clearly see I know my career well. He also had a job for me to do.

The surgical supply manufacturer VP gave my name to one of his clients who wants to grow his online suture supply company and be more visible to people who buy sutures online. Since I rank right up there when people search for things like “order sutures online”, it seems pretty certain that I can help his client.

I received a call today, from the VP’s eager referral, and I was smacked with a snowball once again. Since I felt that the referral was pretty qualified, I spent some time on the phone with him. I liked him, too. I learned that he has five salaried field reps beating the streets and hitting the surgical centers and doctor’s offices, with some pretty impressive sales results at roughly a 40 percent closing ratio. It starts to sound like this guy has something that can be sold. He has technical studies to back up his products, and he is pretty enthusiastic about reaching the online market with it.

Slam on the brakes! He doesn’t have any goals, any budget, or anything more than a few basic statements to reflect why he even picked up the phone. He wants more people to know about his company, he wants more of them to come to his website, and he wants them to buy his products. It is simple, right? He lays all of his business hopes at the feet of a marketer, as so many people do, but he also wants it cheap. He would love to slide by paying a marketing guy less than he pays a sales rep, even when the rep has no sales. Yet, he wants to enjoy the branding and ongoing collateral that a marketing guy brings. That is pretty brilliant, except that it doesn’t jive. He wants what everybody else does, which is “the most bang for the buck”. Oh yes, but nix the buck part.

What I think he failed to realize, right off the bat, is that he is in a business that will go head to head with Suture Express. He knows the article I wrote explaining how his competitor spent $150,000 on a website and online marketing approach, and then called me to come and fix their mistakes. The article also explained that I turned down a lot of money to delete my story and sweep it under the rug.

With this information in-hand, he sent me the proposal his researcher gave him as the best alternative for their new online shopping cart, which was priced at $2,000. Are you kidding me?! Do people really hope to go to battle against a company who can buy and sell them with a bad day’s revenue, and do it without a real-life budget, or a plan? Worse yet, do they hope to do it with a plan that is comprised of nothing more than soliciting a marketing provider’s “off the cuff” proposal?

There is a lesson in this tale. If you don’t have a grasp on your market potential, don’t have quantifiable and achievable goals, and don’t have a solid and merit-based budget reflecting those goals, you need to pay somebody to do that research for you. Successful marketing does not come from shooting into the dark without a strategy. It is not the action of implementing ill-prepared tactics that a marketer suggests. Success requires research that experienced marketers are prepared to offer, but if you don’t have any of the basic groundwork, we get paid for that, too.

If you think that asking for a marketing proposal is how you will get the best research, think again. I can whip out a boilerplate marketing proposal that will keep you reading for hours, but it is not going to be anything more than a big number on a page if you are trying to get somewhere with your carriage pulling your horse.

I find that too many people think of marketing as simply an implementation of generic processes. If that is how you look at marketing, you may want to look again. You can search the Internet to buy sutures online, order sutures online, and an extensive list of other fancy search keywords like suture company, suture supply company, suture companies. You will find me very easily that way, and I don’t sell a single suture. To do that, it would take more than just a listing at the top of search engines and a lot of people talking about it.

Now, I ask you, does it look like I am writing a marketing proposal tonight? Oh, I guess you could call it that, but my proposal is this “Get serious, or go broke!”

That’s my rant for the day. What’s yours?

Photo Credit to SuperFantastic via Flickr

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Hiring SEO Tip: The Wizard Mutual Fund Management Cannot Bullshit Me!

I just got off the phone with a guy who purportedly spent over a million dollars developing his quasi-e*trade competitor service that will supposedly bring the whole world of finance back into check and fix the struggles of anybody afraid to lose their money in a mutual fund or other stock market failure. Before I get too far, I want to make it very clear that I do not earn my living writing this blog. People find me here, but it is absolutely not how I earn money. I earn money when somebody comes to me to make their business successful and can push their marketing go button. When they come to me to feed me more crap, I feed it right back to them. Sometimes I feel compelled to tell my readers about it. I often do that with a scorching opinion of mediocrity.

The Wizard guy called me a couple days ago after finding me online. Yes, he found me in a search and I was not seeking him. I don’t seek people, and I don’t do fluffy sales pitches and free market research. I am the SEO (search engine optimizer) after all, and my job is for people to find me, but mostly to help people find my clients. I answer questions and I help people to understand what I do, but I would rather choke them than explain the importance of being visible in search engines with a magnificent marketing message … or that I know how to do it. Seriously, if you find me, don’t ask me if I can help people find you. That is clearly grounds for choking. People discover me many times per hour, and some of them think they understand the whole idea of what I provide, but most of them have it all wrong. I mean, sometimes they get it extremely wrong!

I am not here to sell you stuff or to take your money. Do not ask me for a price tag for a subjective interpretation of success, because I will only tell you that if you want “success”, you better bring your lunch money and expect me to hang you up by your ankles to shake the coins from your pockets. You are not going to get success for free. I already have a wife, and she is the only person who can rip my shirt off and get my talent for free. Success does not come with a set price, and it is not defined the same for you as it is for that other person over there. That is why, if you want success, my standard price begins at 438 squillion dollars. Now just how much success do you want to buy?

I am here to improve my clients’ profits by improving their marketing message and its reach. That is what I am paid to do. I do not care who you are or how much you can pay me … or try to impress me with, because you cannot buy my reputation or integrity. Not at all, and I have foregone millions of dollars in the past to prove that money cannot buy my integrity. Don’t even make a bid, because it is not going to happen.

The Wizard Impressed Me … At First

The Wizard guy gave me a great demonstration of his service and I was impressed. In fact, I was impressed enough to ring “The Wizard” on the phone tonight as a follow-up call to our previous conversation. He was beaming with delight at the prospect of my interest in marketing his service, and we shared some great ideas about what his marketing plan should entail.

The Wizard guy has the brilliance to suggest that his service may be best served as a pyramid scheme. Sure, it could go that way (in a bad movie), but I told him that if he made that decision without the foresight of market research that it could kill a lot of other possibilities he had also hoped for, including potential for selling the company. He had mixed ideas on how to market his service, and I told him that what would benefit him the most before his product launch is some solid market research. He liked that, but thought that should be free. He had the impression that properly extensive market research was something we would just provide free of charge and then send him a proposal for the implementation. It is too common for people to think that marketing is just about the implementation and that the research is just pulled out of our undershorts. It is not that way, and good research with solid projections does not come free … for me, you, The Wizard, or anybody else.

In my opinion, this guy expressed no better clue about marketing the product than an arrogant idea of who should buy “The Wizard” and why the whole stock market and mutual fund industry should believe in him and his flashy but convincing Wizard service. He only explained who he was and who he thought he should sell it to. He seemed to know or care little about who it would actually benefit the most, how to reach them, or the proper message they would respond to. Market research to him seemed to mean I would go and gather all of the magic bullets and put them into a canned proposal, and that to pay me meant I would send him a loaded gun to shoot at his target.

There is a whole lot more potential for The Wizard than he seemed to grasp, but it was only after I gave him a big enough dose of my marketing experience in a “reality pill” that he finally said “this is sounding kind of expensive.” What completely failed to sink in was that in order to bring a product to a position of massive market success in an industry already clouded with distrust and crooks is that you cannot do it with a tin cup full of pencils and a pair of dark glasses begging for nickels on a street corner. When you create a self-proclaimed brilliant product and have the audacity to call it “The Wizard” and brand it as some sort of financial savior, you better be ready to market it and prove that you have more than a mythical profit-solving stock market idea. Marketing takes research, and that means more than a kid next door saying “we can put it on Craig’s List.”

The Wizard Mutual Fund Management Tool Wants Contingency SEO

If you ever happen to Google the term “contingency SEO” I am what you get. Yes, numero uno … I am the guy. I love working for pay based on my performance. That is where I make money, and that is all great. I just hate it when people think that it means they have no cost involved and that I trust them just because … well, just because they called me on the telephone to pitch me their line like a squillion other cheapskates. For my candid take on this, take some time and see the video of Wimpy from Popeye here (if you are reading by RSS, see video on the original blog post).

If you want to know how contingency SEO works, read about it. It does not mean free marketing. It means partnering up with your marketing people and working together for more profit. I know that may get confusing for some people, but the reality is that you cannot shit on your best asset and expect the best results. No … that is not how this works. That kind of illusion only happens in fairy tales and movies … like The Wizard of OZ.

Peeking Inside The Wizard’s Mind (My Speculation)

OK, I get it … if I create a market for this unknown service called “The Wizard” and give my gracious SEO talent and market research on contingency, the wizard will gladly pay me on Tuesday, like that jackass Wimpy from the Popeye cartoons who always owed people for last Tuesday’s burger. Sorry, but no dice. When I market something, I bring more than my good looks and a pocket of arcade tokens. I use my industry reputation, and I use a long list of marketing resources and talents which are not free. I put a lot of money and work into the launch of a product which can cost dearly if I start launching marketing plans like “The Wizard” only to piss off all of my business relations when some Wizard guy does not pay the bill and I am on the hook to pay the people I brought in to help market it with me.

The Wizard Stock Market Service Has No Stock

Before I jump into bed with a client for a contingency SEO contract, they had better be ready to put some skin in the game. I mean, if this guy has a million dollars wrapped up in development of a service, how can he seemingly care so little to recoup the cost and bring it to market the right way. How much can you trust the wizard who did not seem to understand that creating a solution is only a tiny part of a business? What kind of financial wizard is that?

Do you want to do business, or do you want to feed bullshit to somebody choking on a mouth full of bullshit?

Success and earning trust from consumers should require that you can do what you say you can do. You have to be a business person and that means more than having a great idea. You must have money … yes … m-o-n-e-y, because although it may look easy, what I do requires people … full-time people with kids to feed and bills to pay. Without money, it is hard to promote some scheme that deals with people’s finances and retirement futures. I am not about to become another Bernie Madoff jerk by promoting some plan to solve the world’s mutual fund and stock market troubles. No … not for free, and not if I view you as a bad businessman or somebody summing me up as a sucker.

I may be an asshole, but I am not an asshole that you can scam, or pay enough to scam others.

Do Not Act Like The Wizard

If you have a product to bring to market, do not act like The Wizard. Are you seriously so delusional that you think product development is where an idea will make money? No … the money comes after you bring it to market, and sometimes not even then.

If you come to find a need for serious marketing and you reach out to a serious marketing person … I mean one with some marketing talent, don’t come to us with an attitude that we are here to sell you something. If the marketer is good, and if it is any search engine optimizer with a little experience, he or she hears from people like you all day, every day. We get sick of it, and it forces our gag reflex into overdrive. Then we end up waving a bullshit flag all over you and may turn you into the next Suture Express. Go Google to see what happens with companies like Suture Express when they irritate the SEO by not paying. Don’t take my word for it … go and ask Google!

If you want the best marketing, it is better to treat it as if you are going to the bank seeking a loan. You want what we have to offer (money), that means you need to give us a reason to approve you. This is especially true if you are seeking contingency / performance-based SEO. I am not your momma, and I have no obligation to feed you. Let’s get that straight right now. I have three words for cheapskates wanting a free lunch and those are “rub a lamp”.

If you think I make my money here … writing this blog, you really got it all wrong. I make money when non-bullshitters reach up under their sack and bring something to the table that I can market for them. Hitting me up for a bunch of free ideas and then insulting me is a good way to get said sack on an Internet chopping block.

So there is my rant. Do you want to do business, or do you want to feed bullshit to somebody choking on a mouth full of bullshit?

That is my opinion. Take it or leave it, but don’t act like you didn’t see it.

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Things You Cannot Sell Online

What Cant You Sell Online? — What Can't You Sell Online?

Is it true that there are some things you cannot sell online? I was recently visiting with a gentleman who had made some haphazard attempts to sell online. After his short-sighted efforts, he had developed some doubts about marketing his products and services on the Internet. I think this happens to a lot of people who are unfamiliar with online marketing and had a share of online failure. This gave me some interesting thinking points.

I want to help shatter the myth some people hold that their product or service cannot benefit from targeted online exposure and careful branding. I also want to explain how dreadfully wrong it is to assume that your ideal customers cannot be reached here on the Internet.

I should note that even the items which are not ordered by way of ecommerce are still sold online. Sure, there are restrictions for selling some items online. Examples of things you cannot sell online are certain explosives and illegal drugs. Some products are restricted by location, such as alcoholic beverages, ammunition, and encryption software. This does not mean these are things that can’t be sold online, because there really isn’t anything sold that in some fashion or another is influenced by the Internet. In fact, in the real estate industry it is claimed that over 98 percent of home purchases in USA begin online. A much smaller number of sales are completed online, but the sale begins here, so it is an important place to be.

I feel dismay for companies missing so many opportunities because they just don’t know how much they don’t know. I feel ashamed for the ones who know it and do nothing about it.

In the instance of the gentleman who brought this to mind for me, he was convinced that the only people who will encounter his business online are bargain hunters seeking the lowest cost and do not seek value. I tried to explain that if this is the case online, it is also the case offline, and that those are the same people who turned his salesman down during their last sales call. When the salesman left, the prospective customer went to shop online, and where was he? He was nowhere to be found. I tried to explain the importance of brand recognition, improving customer experience, and gaining customer loyalty. It all kind of escaped his grasp like a greased pig when I explained that you can actually target a marketing message to qualified customers of your choice based on demographics and their propensity to buy your product or service.

I tried to help him better understand the value proposition his company offers, and how to make it more obvious to buyers. I explained that providing a value proposition is important, and that it will not make sense to everybody. It will make sense to some, and those are the ones we call customers. You will never reach them all, but the area you concentrate on are the people you can turn into customers. Then you find out how you did that, and you do it more.

Proof About a Product You Cannot Sell Online

A good web statistics system is great. You can pinpoint exactly who is on your website and what they are doing there. I phoned this gentleman today when I noticed somebody interested in his product offering. They searched Google for the term “where to buy airliner slate”, and they found my recent blog article titled “Smart Slate, Smart Airliner, and Other Interactive Slates“. They even read it for three minutes forty seconds. I called my prospective client on the phone and told him the actual name and location of the company who was searching for the product. I had a hot lead for him to follow up with. He told me “They are a customer of ours” and he gave me the impression that the information was not useful to him. It was almost an arrogant tone he gave me. He laughed it off as a fluke that I actually had one of his customers on my site seeking to buy his product offering.

He did not grasp that this is only one of many instances that can help him to know what is happening in his market, and to potentially avoid losing customers to somebody else. He really didn’t understand how valuable information like this can be when it is not just once, but many instances each day, each week, and each month. It blows my mind that he does not see the advantages the Internet can hold for his market. I mean, people are searching for his products … a lot, but they are finding me. I don’t sell that stuff, he does, and I have showed him the competitive advantages that good data, good targeting, good branding, and a good value proposition can provide. I gave him a tiny little example of this, and explained that it is one of many little advantages that add up to a huge advantage. This was a real case of specific information that could help him avoid losing an existing customer.

Pizza, Porsche, and Proctology Each Sell Here!

You can buy anything from a pizza to a Porsche online, and nearly every imaginable product or service is represented. People have sold items including dog poo, prostitutes, televisions, homes, and even whole cities using the Internet. I have not found an industry segment without an Internet success story to tell. Of course, there is the occasional skeptic who gets in his own way and believes he is the unlucky one who cannot sell his products or improve his market share online. Imagine that dreadful industry that is entirely overlooked by Internet users. It is that sort of product or service that the proprietors believe is only harmed by the Internet, and everything would be fine if all those dreaded websites would just go away. Do you know the type I am talking about?

I met another one like this who did not believe the Internet would provide value to their brand or influence their potential customers. Well, they knew it mattered enough to contact me and even sign a contract, but not enough to pay the bill. Somehow that all looked a bit different to them when they found that thousands of people were seeing this article about them when they searched for “Suture Express“. I had previously given them a clear example of Internet marketing with a real life example showing that people were actually searching to buy Ethicon surgical sutures online. They signed a contract for Internet marketing and SEO services with me and never paid for the services. Later, they thought I was a “kook” when I tried to explain the value of reputation management and taking their Internet reputation more seriously. In this case, they just didn’t realize I am a very smart “kook” with a lot of experience at Internet marketing and reaching the right people with whatever message is appropriate.

It seems that my most common encounters with this type of mentality comes from people who have expressed an interest in improving their online market position, but come to me with all of their own answers instead of wanting the right answers. They are the know-it-all about their market, and even people who specialize in marketing cannot tell them anything they don’t know. Other instances occur when people realize that the Internet is important to their business, but not important enough to do things well.

Their real fears seem to come out once they realize they will actually have to make an investment in their business. They want to know what I know, but they also want to have excuses to avoid paying to get what they want. So, they throw up this smokescreen response that they just don’t see how good branding and greater exposure to their market, and exposure to the people who influence their customers, could ever really be valuable.

Can You Name a Product That Cannot be Sold Online?

Is it the termite farmer? No, termite farmers use the Internet to promote their brand, and yes, to sell termites. If you are in the market to buy termites, you may order termites here. Maybe it is the proctologist? No, although they may not perform your surgery online, a proctologist can grow recognition as an authority in the field of butt medicine. I am having a hard time finding what cannot be sold online, so maybe you can help me in this fun and interesting quest.

I have given you just a glimpse of the mentality of those who get in their own way with believing the myth that their product is exempt from the long list of Internet success stories. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Suture Express, Inc. CFO Brian Forsythe Screws Wrong SEO

Brian Forsythe of Suture Express, a leading Johnson & Johnson Ethicon surgical suture supplier that promotes “cheap surgical suture supplies”, made a decision to rejuvenate the failing sutureexpress.com website. Naturally, he contacted a search engine optimization provider to suture the damage. In fitting with Suture Express’ core value of “cheap surgical supplies” he contacted a friend with whom he could make a great deal. What he did not realize is how much “cheap” can haunt a company, and especially as it involves selling surgical sutures and outright lying to the SEO provider and not paying him. Note: Stealing information from a search engine optimizer and website developer is not a good way to do more business. What amazes me is that some companies still fail to grasp the reach of the Internet or the power of truth against fraud.

Suture Express Cheap Johnson & Johnson Surgical Sutures? Yes Cheap Surgical Supplies!

Brian Forsythe claimed that Suture Express paid $150,000 to build sutureexpress.com and admitted that they made some pretty big marketing mistakes. Forsythe set out to make it right, but only made it worse when he contracted with a skilled SEO and did not pay the bill. The prior costly marketing mistakes made by Ed Kuklenski, Suture Express’ CEO at the time of the $150,000 disaster yielded only $50,000 gross revenue in the following year according to Forsythe. Forsythe stated that customers had refused to use their website and that it was too slow and ineffective in meeting the Suture Express customer needs and expectations.

It seems that cheap did not fit the bill in this instance, so the fax machine is still the primary method of taking orders. Forsythe claimed that the CEO, Ed Kuklenski had refused to present the proposed budget for site redevelopment, search engine optimization, and social media marketing services to the board for approval. Forsythe cited that since Ed Kuklenski had previously made too big a mistake on the website development that it would shame the CEO to request further money to rectify the mess. Instead, the company CFO, Brian Forsythe, decided to structure payments toward the proposed services in smaller amounts that would each come under the limit that must be approved by the board. Forsythe signed what was to have been the first of multiple contracts and claimed that payment had been sent. Brian Forsythe lied, the checks never came, and he stopped taking calls.

Is Suture Express a Fraud?

I am not an attorney, but what Brian Forsythe did on behalf of Suture Express as the CFO would probably stand out bad in any court of public opinion. Not only did Forsythe agree to a series of contracts to circumvent his board, he also signed a contract and said that the check was in the mail.

With a signed contract in hand and the Chief Financial Officer’s word that the check had been sent, it seemed safe to produce a report and a plan to achieve Suture Express’ Internet marketing goals. I provided the report, and Suture Express received the benefit of initial plans to improve their search engine ranking. Again, I am not an attorney, but I do recall hearing terms like “Theft by Deception” and “Fraud” somewhere. I am not sure what legal terms apply, but in any case, good business ethics do not seem to be this company’s strong point.

Beating the Surgical Suture Supply Competitors

Suture Express’ ill-considered plan to one-up the competing surgical supply companies had all the making of failure from the very beginning. Stealing from a top-level SEO just sealed the deal. This should be no surprise from a company that claimed to produce between six and seven hundred million per year in revenue (you believe that, right?), yet bragged in their marketing about using duct tape to fix an office toilet seat rather than buying a new one. That is how cheap they are, and they are proud of it. Ladies, can we hear from you on this topic? They are using duct tape to fix a toilet seat, but spent $150,000 on a website that does not work and irritates customers. Sorry ladies of Suture Express, the money for your toilet seat is at sutureexpress.com. Go there when you need to pee, like the rest of the surgical suture supply people around the world.

I am I kidding? No, they actually used the duct taped toilet seat in their marketing. Sure, people having surgery and hoping to live through it probably want that kind of “cheap”. That makes up for wasting $150,000 on a website, for certain.

Suture Express Cheap Sutures Acquired by “Diamond Castle Holdings LLC”

In what I can only imagine as a panic, Brian Forsythe and key operatives in the Suture Express marketing team decided that after costly failed attempts at selling surgical supplies online, they had to do something to advance their cheap surgical supply company. Instead of doing business with integrity, such as honoring a signed contract with the SEO, maybe the best thing to do was to sell the company again. I imagine it to sound something like this:

“Let’s sell Suture Express again! Selling a surgical suture supply company seems to work well. It has worked before, and to heck with Suture Express’ reputation, this is millions of dollars. We can buy a new SEO with that kind of money, and the new shareholders will never know better. Shareholders don’t get the Internet anyway.”

I can actually kind of expect this kind of logic from these people, because the company who purchased Suture Express in January 2010 is named Diamond Castle Holdings LLC. Really, a diamond castle is what people want to build when they buy cheap surgical supplies, right? Diamond Castle acquired Suture Express in a leveraged buyout from Code Hennessy & Simmons LLC. Does anybody want to guess the shareholders of Code Hennessy & Simmons LLC and Diamond Castle Holdings LLC? I’ll bet we can find some pretty classy cheap surgical suppliers in there somewhere. I can imagine the pride they all shout about at the shareholder meetings. Can you make up a good cheer to suit this?

Ethicon Surgical Supply Truth, with Suture Express

What I know today answers a lot of questions of how America’s health care system is in shambles. I waited well over a year from the time that Brian Forsythe at Suture Express told me directly that a check was in the mail before I decided to share the truth. I never wanted to battle with the huge health care industry or to hurt a one-time friend who suckered me into it. In over a year of waiting for that check to arrive and watching Suture Express being sold twice for millions of dollars each time, I had to shake my head and wonder what went wrong. There were many instances when I missed what I knew as my one-time friend, Brian, who had served as the CEO, CTO and CFO of Suture Express, and any other position he could regain in the next sale of his company. He gained millions of dollars by selling a company and effectively reselling it multiple times. Some people call this genius, but some people would call him a conman. I did not judge him, because I knew him as a friend who came to me when he needed to market a company that had made huge and costly mistakes.

I should explain that Brian Forsythe was one of the people I credit the highest with my learning to drive race cars. I met Brian when I was learning to master driving Corvettes. As you can imagine, I trusted Brian Forsythe. We have been just a few feet apart in our Corvettes at 150 miles per hour and taken high speed turns where mistakes count dearly. I don’t do this with people I do not like or respect. After all, I have a family to come home to.

Brian Forsythe Porsche Club and Corvette Race Car Driver

Brian is an amazing race car driver, and he instructed me in driving to the absolute limits a Corvette can withstand. He has been in a car with me at 150 miles per hour and has coached me when I placed 4th in a competition with top drivers from all around the world. He was the guy who once said “Mark, you made the quantum leap today, and you will never see that much improvement in your driving skill again.” He was also the guy who consoled me as I frantically worried that I had finished a time trial at less than my capability. He had been timing me and assured me beyond my tears that I had done a smashing job. Yes, race car drivers are close like brothers, so it actually does trouble me to say how badly this man conducts business. It means that I will never see my friend on a racetrack for fear that he will treat human life the way he does his business … like a true liar and cheat.

Yes, you read it correctly, and I will defend it in a court of law … Brian Forsythe of Suture Express is a liar. I cannot say how often he does it, but I can prove multiple instances of Brian lying to a friend, so you go ahead and make your judgments how you like. I always figured that if a man will lie to his friend, it is generally a reflection of how he will treat people in business as well.

My opinion is that Ed Kuklenski, Brian Forsythe, Kurt Rall, Steve Boyer, and the rest of the executive team and marketing staff at Suture Express probably could have done well to just own up to their contract instead of selling out the little guy who just wanted to help his racing buddy.

When people tell the truth, there should be no harm to the person reporting it. Fairness is subjective, but factual data should never hurt. The day that the truth becomes damaging to the truth-teller, is the day I will give up and stop doing business. If you do not like the truth, stop reading my blog right now, because you would probably not like me. If you are in the Ethicon surgical sutures supply industry, the truth may either upset you, or it may delight you. In the end, it is only the truth.

I wonder how Diamond Castle Holdings LLC’s shareholders will feel about their acquisition. I don’t wonder too much, because I think if anybody facing a life-saving surgery knew that their sutures were building a diamond castle, that their holdings would perhaps include holding their breath and waiting for some surgical supplies by a company with more integrity. Really … Diamond Castle Holdings? Are you kidding me? Is that part of the big healthcare reform thing we keep hearing about?

How many people here on my blog want to finance a Diamond Castle when they get sick and need a doctor to stitch them up?

A Surgical Supply Question for Johnson & Johnson

Do you generally do business like Brian Forsythe at Suture Express? I wonder if you can sell any sutures that can stitch up this surgical marketing mess Brian and his coworkers made. I really wonder how Johnson & Johnson looks at companies promoting their Ethicon line of surgical sutures in this way. Will I get any answers?

About Surgical Suture Suppliers

I doubt that surgical sutures suppliers are all so shady. I would be delighted to assist a suture supply company like Ethicon by Johnson & Johnson, Suture Direct, Novartis, Angiotech, MPS Medical Supply, DemeTech or others.

I would like to add that I do not often say unkind things about companies or friends. This is an instance where I believe that it is in the public’s interest and that Suture Express’ shareholders, prospective customers, and even competing surgical suture suppliers should know what happens when you treat people with dishonesty. Especially the ones who already proved they know their way around SEO. Just see my comment on the article “Ethicon Sutures: Endo Surgical Sutures” to see what I mean.