Social Media Express: Avoiding The Social Media Train Wreck

Social Media Train Wreck
Social Media Train Wreck

Social media is more than just a little bit special to me. Perhaps, if you have been using social media for a while, you feel this way, too. I have lived with my Internet connection close by my side for many years, like a good friend. Just like any longtime friend, it has changed. It has built me up, and it has let me down.

Social media has helped me to meet many wonderful people that I never would have met elsewhere. Those people include some of my closest friends of the last 15 years, and even my wife and mother of our three children, whom I met back in 2000. I think a lot of people can relate to how I feel about this special part of my life where I laugh, learn, and spend many hours working.

I still cherish many memories of times when social media was simpler. I guess it must feel kind of the way my 94 year old grandmother feels when she recalls her earlier days. The pace was more manageable, and people would still wave from their window in a train, and take more time to visit with the passengers around them.

Today, I want to encourage you to slow your social media train to avoid a crash. Yes, I said slow down … take your time. Read about one of the worst hazards of social media, and consider how you may avoid it.

Don’t Let Your Social Media Train Derail

Over the past few years, we invited the whole world to board the “Social Media Express”. It has created a time in our society which can adequately be termed “astonishing”. Now that the train is full, we all want to go somewhere, and get there fast.

Sometimes it seems that social media is like a runaway train with a huge payload of information and passengers just sitting there oblivious to the derail ahead of them. I have ridden this train to many derails, such as Yahoo! Groups that fell apart, and services that eventually phased out and friends lost communications. In cases where I looked far enough ahead, I could see it coming and warn my friends and we could slow the train down to resume our comfortable ride.

I feel very fortunate for the many people I met through social media and still communicate with regularly after teens of years. It took some effort to avoid the scattering effect of a train derailment, but it has been very worthwhile to me.

Social Media Derailed
Social Media Derailed

The big crash that I have emphatically warned people about is trying to “follow”, “friend”, “connect”, and etcetera, with excessive numbers of people with whom they never have any intention or ability to build a meaningful relationship.

I understand the huge urge for people to feel popular. I hear it all the time, even from people who have no real agenda to have a squillion connections, but just enjoy the appearance of being popular. If I had to point a finger at one single overriding challenge in social media, this would be it.

What so many people overlook is that having real communication and meaningful relationships with a smaller group who really listen to you or care about you is much more rewarding. This is true for both personal and business purposes, because it only takes about 150 people sharing something worthwhile to set it on a path to “viral” communication. Don’t try to argue this point with me, because I really will win this one.

Robin Dunbar Meets The Social Media Express

Have you ever heard of Dunbar’s Number? I will explain with a quote from Wikipedia:

“Dunbar’s number is a theoretical cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships.”

I watch people trying to push Dunbar’s Number to a breaking point every day. Once they run through each passenger car on the “Social Media Express”, they burn out and jump off the speeding train when they don’t get what they hoped for. They don’t pull the hand brake, they don’t say goodbye, and many of them will never board the train again. They broke their social media train.

I can certainly place a good amount of blame on the implied importance of somebody with a lot of “friends” in social media. After all, I must be more important if I have xxxxx followers on Twitter and xxxx friends on Facebook, right?

There is another big challenge created by the many desperate people producing deafening levels of static while trying so hard to become marketers. With enough of that static, it causes many people to build up stronger than ever communication barriers. This overheats the train’s brakes, and sends more than a few passengers jumping off between stations.

Can You Share in My Guilt?

Who Caused This Crash?
Who Caused This Crash?

I witness many examples of pending challenges in my own use of social media. For example, I tend to tune out a lot just in order to keep up with people communicating with me directly. I am always available to anybody on this Internet, but it takes a lot of effort to reach out and see what all of those people have to say. So I let them come to me. I have even found out shamefully late of people who died, because it took me a long time to make my rounds to their Facebook profile.

I do my best to put friends and interesting people into lists, and I try to keep up, but nobody is immune to the challenge of “keeping up”. Many of the people I used to hear from every day stopped participating in social media, because they felt burned out and like nobody heard them anyway. Twitter makes a profound statement in this area, and has a horrible churn rate. It is not just specific networks, either. Many bloggers have expressed concerns that although people are reading, their comments have diminished. I certainly see it here, as well. Even while my readership is consistently high, it seems that many people don’t want to discuss topics the way they used to.

Do Those Big Numbers Really Matter?

I have studied this dilemma for years, and I know the importance of reaching a lot of people. Sure, it may increase your odds, right? Well, the truth is that if those are not the right people, and they are just a number for the sake of numbers, your impact will not be proportionate with your efforts. When you see somebody with a lot of friends, followers, and whatever you want to call them, it generally happens for one of two reasons: They either sought a lot of people who were also looking for big numbers for the sake of numbers, or they earned those numbers by reaching an appropriate audience who cared what they have to say and pay attention. One method imitates popularity in order to appear important or to throw spam at the wall and hope it sticks, and the other method is to do something people care about and presenting it to the right people.

You Won the Social Media Game!
You Won the Social Media Game!

I recently looked at my Twitter followers to find that many thousands of them had not used Twitter at all in the last six months. I filtered them out by those who had not sent an update in the last 90 days, and found that for many of them it had been over six months. I unfollowed 1,000 of them, which were mostly just nameless and faceless to me, and then I stopped. I realized that it was a waste of time to keep sorting through the graveyard of fallen Twitter users. I had only followed them in the first place because they had followed me, so I don’t feel some huge loss of a close friend.

Back before it became so popular to try and follow everybody under the sun, I used to see a huge value in Twitter. I liked it enough that I was asked to write a book about Twitter. I wrote it, and it was pretty good. I published it in July 2009, but I wish I had written it a few months sooner, before the Twitter graveyard started filling up.

Back in the good old days of social media, even as recently as Twitter, people paid attention to others. There were more conversations, and the conversations turned into friendships, and many times into business.

Today, I tweet something and it can sometimes seem to go unnoticed, even if it is totally hilarious or brilliant. Very few people respond, and almost nobody retweets things, compared to earlier years. Is it because they all hate each other, or is it because they simply went blind and only communicate if you go directly to them?

It is a tough call, but the numbers clearly indicate a speeding train.

Do You Slow Down and Say Hello Enough?

As a person who works and socializes here in this social media world, I have sometimes wondered “Is it me? Did I do something that changed things? Did I contribute to the extra hustle and bustle?” I really don’t think so, but I always try to keep myself in check.

I still find great value in many areas of social media, and it is still a very good place to make friends, build relationships, and produce new business. In fact, far better than any other, but it requires greater effort than ever before. It is not as easy as it used to be, and it can be more challenging than earlier years. It sometimes makes me wonder if I hadn’t been in my industry for so many years, what it would look like to me today. I have watched it evolve, and I have evolved with it nicely, but for somebody new here, I think it could get pretty overwhelming, and lose its luster quickly.

The Social Media Train is Human-Powered

I have written volumes of thoughts on the human aspects of our technical world. I write it in books, blogs, and I talk to groups about the importance of the real human communications that social media is so great for.

We control the pace of the train we are on, and the direction it travels. There are no rails, and plenty of great people and places to see. I only hope that more people will enjoy the ride, consider the people, stop running from car to car seeking more people to irritate with bad marketing, and avoid the train wreck.

Human Powered Train
Human Powered Train

Here is just a small selection of things I have said to try and caution others, and help them become more cognizant of the people around them. The longer list is found throughout my blog archive and in my books. I would not say these things if I didn’t mean them, and can stand behind them.

A Story from My Social Media Train Car

Something slowed my train nicely a few days ago. As I was unfollowing that 1,000 people on Twitter, as I mentioned, I came across several old friends who had dropped off the face of Twitter. One of them was Tom Roquemore, whom I met on Twitter a couple years ago. I like Tom, but he stopped using Twitter last October, and we hadn’t communicated since then.

Remembering good talks we had shared, I put him on my list of people to contact by phone. Before I even got around to calling him, my phone rang and it was Tom. We talked for a while and it was great to hear from him again. The timing was kind of uncanny, but we probably would have talked even sooner if our train was just moving a little slower.

How Does Tom Roquemore Affect My Social Media Train?

I have used social media, in one way or another, since before Yahoo! purchased GeoCities. That has been a long time, and I have seen a lot in those passing years. One thing that I have found to be the most valuable of all is to focus on a core group of the right people who really listen and feel strongly about the value you represent. That is where true and worthwhile popularity stems. It is like the initial spark of an explosion, and it starts very small. This holds true in the largest of all marketing campaigns, and in the smallest of groups. If you focus more on value over volume, your success and your enjoyment will be far greater. You just have to slow the train to recognize it, and find the truth in what I am telling you.

If some of you great people will slow down and add your comments here on my blog, maybe we could show others the start of a better habit. A habit of taking the time and effort to bring better communications back to social media, and not just rushing to the next thing that seems urgent.

Conga line image credit to fallingrock via Flickr

SEO, Social Media, and Marketing Balls

SEO and Social Media Balls
SEO and Social Media Balls

I often try to relate concepts of SEO and social media to things that people in other industries can use. After all, who really cares about all of this, unless it can help them do whatever it is they do for a living.

If you don’t have anything to sell, you probably aren’t very concerned about your marketing. But you do have something to sell, so let me give you a hand.

My challenge is to help you translate this into earning profit for your company. In the big picture, two important questions I must address are as follows:

  • What do you do to earn the food you eat?
  • How can I relate this Internet stuff to something that will help you eat better?

One way I hope to relate this into your line of work is to use analogies. This time, I will use tennis balls, but it could really be about anything.

Now let’s look at what others competing in your industry are doing.

How Others Sell Balls With SEO and Social Media

A common approach to social media that you may see with your competitors is to create a website and then start tweeting and facebooking things like “I have balls”, “Check out my balls!” After a while, they will figure out that people get really tired of the same old balls, and nobody wants to see them anymore.

Nobody Wants Old Balls
Nobody Wants Old Balls

This is a common outcome when companies neglect the people they are trying to reach, and overlook creativity in their value proposition. So, it will take a different approach, and they may turn their focus to SEO. They will often fill up their blog with a whole bunch of articles about their balls and hope that will work.

The trouble here is that it will take a lot of time and effort to produce all of that blog content. They may decide to outsource it to India or The Philippines but all of the sudden find themselves sending really mixes messages. Balls are different in other countries, and a lot can be lost in translation.

This is not the path you want to take, so put this out of your mind and let’s think about a better way to move your balls.

A Better Way to Move Your Balls

My experience in SEO and social media has led me to this: I have never found an industry that, with enough dedication, cannot be made more interesting when looked at from the right perspective.

It takes some research and creativity, but every industry has something that makes it interesting. Even paper clips can be more exciting … yes, paper clips!

Who Wants Your Balls?
Who Wants Your Balls?

One of the first things to do is to carefully research who wants your balls. You want to understand them, and what they are likely to look for online. You want to reach them where they are … on their turf. Then you need to get a picture of what drives them to take a desired action. In this case, you want tennis players. More precisely, you want tennis players without balls. In order to find them, you need to think more like them, and develop a sense of what will attract them.

Sometimes you have to look outside of the tennis-related industry to find your potential customers’ other interests. I wrote about this not so long ago in an article about customer modeling titled “Facebook Marketing: Pages, Customer Modeling, Promoting, and Awesomeness“. It addressed how to gather information to produce a better model of your ideal customer, and it is worth a read.

Get Others to Talk About Your Balls!

Once you know more about your model customer, you need to produce information that interests them. If you consistently produce quality information about their interests, it will be much easier to keep their attention. If it is compelling enough, they will subscribe to your blog, your Twitter, your Facebook, and etcetera. Now you have an audience that wants to hear about your balls.

Make a Spash With Your Balls!
Make a Spash With Your Balls!

With an attentive audience that likes what you do, it will be a lot easier for your balls to be ranked well in search engines. This is because your attentive audience will share your information with other interested people, in the form of website links. They will tweet it, facebook it, and even blog about it. Now, unlike your competitor who talks about his balls all the time, you will have other people talking about your balls.

This is a huge reward to you, because all of those links to your interesting website are crucial to making it rank higher in search engines than the competition. You will want to be good to these people, and keep them fed with more interesting and useful information. So you add more to your blog, and it grows bigger and bigger and eventually gets even more popular.

The cycle has begun, and you are on your way to greater things. You may even decide to grow your business with bigger balls, like softballs, volleyballs, and basketballs.

Selling Balls Takes Dedication

When I claim that this all requires dedication, it means spending time researching, and doing more than just the same old thing the competition is doing.

Never Let Your Balls Get Boring!
Never Let Your Balls Get Boring!

Before you put this all to use, it is best to develop some degree of marketing talent. Since you are not in the SEO and social media marketing business by profession, I want to recommend subscribing to my blog and reviewing my blog archive to learn about other things that can help you.

I do a bang up job of ranking in search engines for things in the SEO and social media marketing industries. I am supposed to, right? That way, new people can find me.

This was not always the case. I had to work really hard to discover what people want, connect with them using social media, and produce a lot of compelling information, just like I suggested for you. It does not happen overnight, but with dedication, it does happen in time. It will be worth it.

Now, back to those two questions I mentioned earlier:

  • What do you do to earn the food you eat?
  • How can I relate this Internet stuff to something that will help you eat better?

Since you can’t just eat your balls, you are going to need to sell them to buy food!

They Will Beg For Your Balls
They Will Beg For Your Balls

If you do everything just right, before you know it, people will be begging to play with your balls.

If you need more help promoting your balls, there are a lot of people in my industry who can make this happen for you.

I am always looking for people with balls. In my line of work, I encounter a lot of people every day who have no balls, and I will be happy to help you connect with them.


Balls image credit to shawnzrossi via Flickr
Old ball image credit to basykes via Flickr
Ball in mouth image credit to TCL8TO7 via Flickr
Splashing Balls image credit to ingridtaylar via Flickr
Bored ball image credit to greenkozi via Flickr
Begging image credit to sunsets_for_you via Flickr

The Biggest Fallacy of Social Media: More is Better

Social Media Fallacy Unicorn
Social Media Fallacy Unicorn


I want to discuss the biggest fallacy of social media for a moment. It surrounds a tightly held misconception that many people will refuse to let go of, because somebody with perceived authority told them it is “how social media is done.”

It is made worse every day because of all the people who have the mentality that “if they are doing it, it must be OK.”

People often want examples to follow. It makes them more comfortable with their decisions. Sometimes it turns out just great, but it often leads to a whole lot of “imitation marketing” with horrible results. Didn’t your dad ever use the line about your friends and a cliff with you?

“If they were all jumping off a cliff without parachutes, would you just follow along with them?”
–Dad

Enough of the crescendo, let me explain this famously popular trap that has become the biggest fallacy of social media. Did somebody tell you that you need whole bunch of people to “follow” you, “like” you, and “friend” you? The odds are great that the person saying that is full of crap about other things, too.

The truth about the biggest social media successes, and in fact, the way that things actually become “viral” is quite the opposite from what it seems. It does not happen because of a huge number of followers, friends, and fans. Success happens because of thinking, creating, and doing something amazing enough that your dearest core group of true listeners, who care what you have to say, share it with emphasis. Before you even consider anything else, it is important to concentrate on the “amazing” part.

Who are those “core listeners” I am referring to? They are the people who like what you have to say, enough that they subscribe to your blog, follow you on Twitter, Like your Facebook page, and link with you on LinkedIn. They pay attention because they want to know what you have to share, and not because they just want you to add to their numbers. They are often great people to have as your friends, too!

This topic was inspired by a discussion on Mark Harai’s blog, in an article titled “How to Build Online Influence“. My comment there was as follows:

“It is absolutely true about the numbers. I have enough “followers” in some circles to properly seed a new landfill. Without bilateral communication, that is where those relationships are.

I even wrote a book that gave strong caution to the big numbers game of social media. People really want so badly to believe in big numbers, unless they have big numbers, and then they understand.

The mentality is not so unlike like desire for wealth. Many people want it badly but they use it unwisely if they get it.”

What most people do is called “conventional”. Convention is lazy, and conventional will not make you stand out! It is why “The Pareto Principle“, also known as the 80/20 rule, always holds true.

No, I am not that guy who will tell you that successful marketing is only about building relationships to make your social media marketing successful. It takes a lot of other things, too. If you want my “short list” of things that make social media marketing successful, go to my blog archive. The list includes 267 (often lengthy) topics I have written about. Not a single one of them says to get more followers, but many of them certainly do address the importance of relationship building.

Social Media’s Hardest Lesson to Learn

I have argued against the mentality that more followers is the key, but it seems that as with most other things, people just have to learn it for themselves. They learn it the hard way, just like people dying to win a lottery who are broke a year after they collect their squillion dollar jackpot.

If you just can’t stand it, and you need proof that I am right about this, let me show you some numbers: 24 28 45 49 52 2

Those are your Murnahan lottery picks for this week. That will be easier for a lot of people to understand and accept than what I would say about the horribly over-valued hype about big follower numbers. By the way, this is last week’s winning Powerball Lottery numbers. Maybe they will “hit” again, you never know!

If you really want to know what I think, I offer you these previous articles which address the matter.

Social Media is Not Just Who You Know … It’s Who They Know!

I urge people to remember that social media is not just about you, and who you know, or who follows you. I know very well that I can bore the heck out of some people with things they have no interest in. I also know which people will find value in things which I produce, and I know which ones may be a good match to connect with other people in my circle of friends and “core listeners”. My friends and “core listeners” know these things about me, too. It is called networking, and it trumps all that you may hear about having a massive number of followers.

All it really takes to make something extremely popular is about 150 people who are connected to you the way I have described. Ironically, and conveniently, 150 is also the number that is commonly referenced as Dunbar’s Number. If you can focus on those people, the rest comes down to simply having brilliance, and you probably have a lot more than you are using.

Social Media Backlash of Extended Reach

Social media is a funny thing. Most people can figure out the basics of how to use social media websites like Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, blogs, and the squillion others. A few can figure out how to use social media well, and enhance their business. A tiny fraction of those people will use social media in a way that does not irritate or offend somebody, somewhere, for some reason.

Yes, social media popularity has its drawbacks, and there will always be some people who hate you, just for breathing. I have often said that if I don’t get a death threat now and then, I must not be reaching enough people. Even the littlest things can set some people off, but it is not my job to make everybody happy. I just want to make a few of the right people happy. Would you believe I actually had a death threat come as a result of this humorous article titled “Hookers Write the Best Blogs“?

You don’t need “death threat” levels of popularity to get all that you want and need from social media … nobody does. You just have to concentrate on your core listeners, and the awesomeness you can create for and with them. Let the rest of it come into place naturally and those followers will come to your awesomeness like a Murnahan to a plate of bacon.

Photo credit to scorpio58 via Flickr

How to Make a Blog Popular: Consider Your Intent!

What is Your Intent?
What is Your Intent?


I read a lot of blogs, and I gather a lot of great ideas from them. There is a lot of amazing talent out there on the Internet, sitting at their computer every day to blog about what they know, what they think, what they do, and what they sell. A few of those squillion blogs will become popular with readers, but how?

It is easy for me to answer why I read the blogs I read. They help me to keep my thinking sharp with new ideas. My brain needs a lot of daily exercise to keep up with my industry.

It seems easy to define why the popular blogs I read are successful at their mission, but harder when I turn it around and look at my own work. I hope you can relate to this. I find that it is always harder to scrutinize myself than to scrutinize others.

I have been a bit blessed with having a solid readership for my SEO and social media marketing blog. I appreciate that very much, because I work hard at it. Once in a while, I have to consider “What makes it popular, and why do people subscribe and come back?” Then, on a bad day, I find myself questioning “Why do I keep doing this?” That is when I have to go and re-read “10 Really Good Reasons to Blog” and I am back at it again, quick.

Today is a good day, so I am asking myself the earlier question. Is it because I am in a popular industry? No, because there are a lot of SEO and social media marketing blogs with just three readers (spouse, mother, and author). Is it because I take my shirt off to blog because the ladies like that? No, although it may not hurt, because I am yummy like bacon (I should post more pictures). Is it because I have a squillion friends who love me? No, I am generally a nice guy, but I don’t try to please everybody, and I piss a few people off, too (like this Bhashkar guy). Is it because I throw down a clever line here and there to be entertaining? No, because I will never be as funny as this cat video with 47 Million views (damn them cats).

When I begin to think about things which make a blog popular, it seems that my thoughts keep leading me back to “intent”. Good blogging tools, a lot of coffee, and just a slight touch of insanity can help, but it is not enough!

I know, I know … people say that “content is king”, or that “engagement” and “social equity” are important. Sure, we can throw a whole lot of silly buzz phrases on the table to sort through. It really does take a lot of things coming together just right to produce something that people want.

I think that in the end, even if you get every other piece right, but your intent is flawed, it is as fragile as a house of cards.

What is Your Blog’s Intent?

Let’s define this: Clearly, if you have a blog, you have an intent. Whether is just to pour your mind out to the Internet, or to bring more brand recognition to a product or service, nobody does this without something that drives them to do it.

I will share my intent with you, and I hope it will help you start thinking about yours. So, let’s see, why do I write this blog?

The focus of this blog is to help educate people about things which can help them. I like to help people think and create their own ideas. I like to teach people about things which they may find useful. I also like to dispel the many SEO lies which are common in the industry.

When I say that intent is important, here is how I look at it: If my intent was centered around selling something rather than educating and helping people, the direction would be totally different. The intent would show through, and the value to others would be far less.

Stop Seeing “Everybody” as a Potential Customer!

I hope that sharing my intent will help you think about yours, and your strategy. Here I go, trying to be helpful, again. Now, you may wonder “How is there any room left for a strategy, and how can a blog possibly be worth all of the headache?”

When I think about my intent, it is what I wish to provide for others. That does not have to mean there is no benefit in it for me, but when I focus on these things which benefit others, my work is far better and it makes me a swell guy.

The good news is that I don’t view you as my potential customer. Sure, maybe you are, but probably not. Most people that land on any blog are not there to buy stuff. In the case of company blogs, the smart companies already know this.

Pssst: Let me whisper a thought in your ear:

People know other people, and they communicate with them … a lot. If people like what you do, and they think highly of you, they will do the heavy lifting for you. They will share your blog with friends, and maybe those friends will share it with other friends. All of the sudden, you have your hands on something valuable. Somewhere down the line, there is probably a customer in it for you, and you didn’t even have to be pushy … just useful.

Keep Your Intent Dear to You

It can be easy to wander off the path of your intent, but don’t! Always remember the overall purpose of being useful, and know that it really will make the difference in reaching longer term objectives. If you have a very purposeful intent, it will be easier to stay on track.

My blog’s intent is sincerely focused on being helpful. I go out of my way to do that. As a benefit, it enhances my resume as a SEO and social media marketing professional and reflects my knowledge. A tiny percentage of people will contact me with an interest of hiring me as a consultant, or as their new Director of Marketing.

I ask myself: “What if somebody offers me a salary so big I can barely spend it all and puts me in a big shiny office building as their head marketing guy working 100 hours per week?”

My answer is: “I will still be right here to share what I know with others, just as I have been for years.”

That is how I know that my intent is right.

If selling something was the primary goal, I would not ask for your input, your brainstorms, or your time. I would also not expect anybody to subscribe and keep coming back. Although, I probably would still ask to pass my name along to somebody who may need me … but that is just my eensy little selfish side talking. (Hint: See sharing and bookmarking links below.) Hey, I have a family of five to feed, after all.

What is your intent, and how are you expressing it to others?

Cat Photo Credit to lincolnlog via Flickr

Social Media and The Absurdity of Implied Reciprocity

Want Your Back Scratched? Think First!
Want Your Back Scratched? Think First!


If you are one of those people who expect social media favors because somebody owes you something, just stop it! If you like something and find value in it, share it with others or do whatever it is that you do with good information. Just don’t assume that it means people owe you anything.

In business, and in life, reciprocity is a wonderful thing. It feels good to do business with people who do business with you, right? You have probably heard the old saying, “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”

A problem with reciprocity comes when people start doing things they would normally not do, only in hopes of demanding favors in return. It is nice to reciprocate, but this does not mean it is implied.

I received a message on LinkedIn yesterday that read as follows: “Hi. I liked ur PAGE through LINKEDIN GROUP. Expecting ur LIKE and SUPPORT.” I thought to myself, “Really? You liked my page in order to add to my number of people artificially interested in my work and you want me to do the same? Oh, and ‘SUPPORT?’ Does this mean you want me to feed your kids, too?” I guess I just didn’t see that as any kind of favor.

If you like what I do, and you think you could learn something from a guy with over 20 years of successful marketing experience, by all means, “Like” my Facebook page. If you think you have done me some great favor and I am going to do you a favor by liking your Facebook page which has absolutely no interest to me, you need me worse than you think!

Why would you have any desire whatsoever to have me “Like” your Facebook page if I will never, ever, be a customer or recommend you to anybody because you are a a demanding douchebag who expects something from me?

If You Like Me, Just Like Me, But Stop Expecting Favors!
If You Like Me, Just Like Me, But Stop Expecting Favors!

Rather than to rewrite the whole thing, I want to share something I said in a previous article titled “Do You Tweet and Retweet Seeking Favors?” Here is the closely paraphrased version:

People in the social media field often build relationships in which they will work together to spread a message. As long as there is honesty and integrity in the message, I am generally happy to help. However, I have been hit over the head with some of this recently. It seems that I get a lot of requests to scratch somebody’s back. It is all fine and good to be reciprocal, but is it good to take away the human filter that makes us who we are?

If all I was doing was tweeting, retweeting, blogging, Facebooking, YouTubing, Digging, Stumbling, and etcetera, because I hoped people would return the favor, would people still care what I had to say? I do not imagine the answer is “yes”.

Reciprocity Has Its Place

Don’t get me wrong, reciprocity certainly has its place, but if you are doing things with expectations of others doing things for you in return, don’t you at least think it should be something meaningful or useful?

The only time I recall actually being a little hacked by lack of reciprocity was from a car dealer. Hell, I purchased three brand new Corvettes and a Cadillac Escalade (total cost over $240,000) from this guy in under a year’s time, and I sent him many new customers. When he went to somebody else for his web hosting because it was cheaper than my recommended $209 per year plan, I kind of thought that was a bad business decision. Then when he asked me about a new website and used my website proposal to shop around, I wanted to kick him in the nuts. Yeah, I kind of felt slapped in the face, but I will still buy a car from him based on the merits of his business … not mine!

I Did Not Buy These Just to Sell a Website!
I Did Not Buy These Just to Sell a Website!

In summary, don’t “Like” my Facebook, subscribe to my blog, follow me on Twitter, link to this page, kiss my butt with kind comments in my blog, or anything else of the sort if it is only because you want something. Do it because you know I am not full of crap and because you receive value from my hard work.

I may reciprocate, but not because I feel guilty if I don’t.

I have just one more thought for you, and it is what my wife said when I mentioned this subject to her. Here is another way to look at it, and a brilliantly performed song.

Note that since I wrote this, I have replaced the Bonnie Raitt version of the song. Apparently she stopped allowing her YouTube videos to be embedded in web pages. this guy performs it nicely, too!

I Can’t Make You Love Me

Dog Photo Credit to wsilver via Flickr