marketing failure Archives - Page 2 of 9 by Mark Murnahan

Marketing Clients vs. Crybaby Sissy Bed-Wetters

When people lack confidence in proper marketing, they lose! They lose time, they lose opportunities, and they lose money … lots of it! I don’t even feel a need to prove this, because for people who don’t get it, we have a phrase for that. The phrase is “survival of the fittest”, and if you have some guts, you are far more fit than a lot of your competition.

Believe me when I say that most of your competitors are total wimps! If we took them back to elementary school, you could see most of your competition walking to the office to call Mommy and ask her to bring a dry pair of pants to school. They are scared, and to say they are “pants-wetting scared” is not such a big stretch.

I mean, look at yourself … aren’t you just a tiny bit creeped out? Doesn’t it give you the willies just a little to do what it really takes to grow your company?

Seriously, if you never knew this, you deserve to know. Most people making decisions about marketing for their company are scared to death of marketing. I am going to share a real-life story with you in a moment to emphasize the point, but for a moment, just take it on faith.

This common fear of marketing is especially the case with the good kind of marketing that comes with proper research, solid strategy, efficient forecasting, and net profit … yes, positive return on investment. The reason the good profit-generating marketing is scariest of all is because it is the kind that requires decisive action … and money!

Drat! It’s another one of those long reads. Don’t worry, though, because I recorded it for you. Just click play and listen if you like. It is sure to give you some food for thought and a laugh … I’m sure of it!

The Way Many Companies View Marketing

A lot of companies seek the lowest possible effort and the highest possible return. That is smart business, but they often focus more on that low effort and completely lose sight of the highest return.

You see, now that every reception desk has a computer, marketing is pretty much free. Just look around and you may discover that this is how your competition sees it. Anybody can prepare and execute a brilliant marketing campaign. All they have to do is sign up for one of those Facebook thingies, Twitterize 25-26 hours per day, and put some smiley-happy employees and customers on YouTube.

Voila! The marketing is fixed, and the money train will be chugging down the tracks in no time!

It may sound crazy to you, and I hope it does, but this is really how a lot of companies approach their online marketing. It is so simple that all it will take is a tweet or a Facebook mention. They see companies like the ones mentioned in an article I read in Telegraph.uk. Here is a quote:

Ticketmaster estimates that every time one of their customers posts on Facebook that they’ve bought a ticket, their friends spend an additional $5.30 with the site. When last year’s Google conference was taking place, they tweeted the morning of the conference: “100 tickets left, 550 bucks a piece, use this promotion code”. 11 minutes later they tweeted, “Sold them, thank you.” That’s $55,000 in sales with one tweet in 11 minutes.

Rub a lamp and wish for a genie! You don’t have Ticketmaster demand or Google reach. Something is stopping you, though, and it is not the tools … it is the planning and strategy. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will likely keep getting what you get. If it is time to step it up, then step it up and do something brilliant. Do something with a strategy! On the other hand, if it is time to lie down and die … do that, and go peacefully. Just don’t keep waiting for that magic genie to arrive. He’s not coming!

Break for a Wise Marketing Tip:

Some people actually screw this all up and think that what they are paying for with proper marketing is just a task. Any moron can do a task, so it should be cheap, right? I provided some examples of this train wreck mentality in the articles as follows:

Social Media Marketing Pricing Like Cab Rides by the Pothole“

… and the profoundly absurd

“Hourly Rate for Setting Up Social Media Profiles?!“

Damn the luck, it seems that somebody tried to shove the whole population of marketing professionals into the same cage as if we are all the same critter. The good and bad are all mixed into one, and along with my high-end marketing buddies, I guess people surely think that we get paid for what we do.

The larger truth is that we get paid for what we know, how we know how to know what we know, how we think and analyze, who we know, and the other really unimaginable stuff that comes with experience, marketing talent, and brute creativity.

Pete and The Amazing Pee-Pants Pizza Parlor

I have a story about a guy named Pete. Seriously, this is a true story. Pete is very excited about selling his wildly amazing and awesomely marketable pizza franchise across the USA. He will possibly succeed, once he gets out of his own way, but he is still walking around in wet pants and trying to keep from vomiting at the thought of finally bringing it to market.

Sure, Pete logically knows that marketing is his most important asset. He realizes that Starbucks was a little coffee company and Subway was a little sandwich shop, and still would be without great marketing.

Actually, his name is not Pete, and his business is not pizza, but I’ll use that. His name is close enough to Pete, and his retail food franchise business is close enough to pizza to make the same point. The story is about a series of calamities that just drive me nuts. Nuts enough to share my opinion, and to welcome yours.

Here is the “hot sheet” version of how things have gone so far. Pete contacted me a year ago about his business. He was referred to me by a friend whom he trusts. Our mutual friend told Pete that the project was way out of her league. She explained that based on his hopes for massive adoption of his new franchise opportunity, he needs Murnahan (that’s me). Not a guy like me … me!

When Pete first contacted me, he was in an urgent rush to get his marketing in order. He was very concerned that he had already waited too long. He was afraid that based on his time frame for other business plans, he needed me on the project “yesterday”.

Pete was more than just a little blown away by things I shared with him about the possibilities for his business. I guess it was stupid of me to start dolling out free brain-juice, but heck, he was a referral, after all. Based on his own wildly flattering statements toward me, I was assured that he wanted to be my client, so I let fly with a few pan drippings from my brain in the roasting pan.

Dumb dumb Murnahan … I knew better, because giving too much freebie talk is a big open door to truckloads of non-paying brain work. I do it though, and it almost always bites me in the ass, because people really hate that transition to actually paying for the knowledge they need.

Skipping forward a damn long year and a whole bunch of phone calls that he has never paid for, Pete is calling me with wet pants again. He needs some serious help, and he talks like he is actually ready now.

The huge pause in his business was a funding snafu. Wouldn’t you know it that somehow those banking folks actually like qualified market projections in the business plan before they fund a deal. It is too bad Pete never thought of getting some better facts to work with. Maybe a year wouldn’t have spun by so rough for him.

Well, I guess we’ll kill the hooker tonight and worry about it tomorrow. Now we can just wing it on a half-assed budget and hope to make the bank happy. Yep, that’s how we roll, right Pete and Pete-like thinkers?

By the way, when I tease Pete about his wet pants or describe him as a shaky handed sweaty little fella who pulls the blankets over his head so the monsters don’t get him, I want to note that I like Pete. I like him plenty fine, even if he is a crybaby sissy bed-wetter and horrific planner.

Pete is a fine fella, and he will likely do very well in his business. His first and scariest step will be to listen to the consultant / strategist as much as he talks. Actually, before he can meet that scary challenge, he will have to get up off his steamy little pee-soaked wallet and pay for the scary monster he needs advice from.

The craziest thing I ever heard was when he finally rubbed his wet panties into my telephone ear yesterday and started asking for references. What the hell? We covered that last year! He has been putting his short-n-chubby in my ear all this time, reading my blog, sending me Facebook messages, email, and asking me for more brain-drippings, and now he’s asking if I’m qualified?! This is the same guy who has referred others to me when they needed serious help!

His biggest expressed concern is that I am a few hour flight away from his cozy little blankie. He wants to be able to manage my work close-up. Well if that isn’t silly … all it takes is money. If he is doing it right … I mean, right enough to sell 150 pizza franchises in the next two years, the least of his worry should be the cost of an airline ticket!

Somebody just effin’ give me a tequila, a hooker, and quarter to call home and I’ll sell more damn pizza stores than this guy can handle.

Pete has hopes, but they are only hopes so far. They are not goals, because he doesn’t have the market data to set goals yet. He is pretty reluctant to gather it, too.

Why do people try to kill me like this? Is it because they don’t have confidence in their market offering? Is it because they are so scared they would rather go broke than invest wisely in their own futures? Is it because they have no balls? What the hell?

I swear, if I put Pete in a room with the guy I recently wrote about hoping to put “100 percent” into his health and beauty industry marketing, but yet keep the budget under $10,000, I could slow down time enough that my trip to the looney bin will feel like a whole lifetime! Maybe my conniption will be worth it.

OK … that got a little teensy bit rant-ish, but sure was fun! Go ahead and level me out. Be my friend and help me to calm down and breath slower.

😉

I sincerely believe that marketing in itself is the hardest field of all to market to clients. It is because in damn near every other product or service I have ever marketed, there is always some sense that the potential customer has two brain cells to rub together. This is often simply not the case when people are in the market for marketing services. Not since the invention of the Internet money-train.

One more thing … Can somebody tell me who I need to whack over the head to get a decent client with dry pants?

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Confession of a Workaholic and Benefits of Unplugging

Have you ever been told that you work too much, or that your work seems to follow you everywhere? If so, I just want to offer up a thought that it may be because you are doing it wrong. Maybe I’m wrong, but what if I am actually right? Stick around and judge that for yourself.

I “unplugged” myself over the weekend, and it felt great. I spent very little time at a computer, and I only used my cell phone enough to be sure nothing was on fire in my professional life.

I remember times when I would feel guilty for taking a break like that, and I find that sometimes social media emphasizes the “rat race” feeling of having to be everywhere at once. Fortunately for myself and everybody around me, I learned how and why to let go of those guilty feelings.

I generally feel very proud of my work ethic. Doing my job well is important to me, and I know that a lot of other people must feel this way, too. I hope you do. A hazard that is easy to overlook is when you become so engrossed in work that you chase productivity right off a cliff. That is when the term “workaholic” generally applies. What workaholics often do not realize is when it is happening, or when to step back and take a fresh look. Allow me to share some thoughts and experience with you.

What if I Miss an Important Call?

Tell me if this sounds familiar. If you nod your head even once, I hope you have learned when and how to unplug. If not, maybe I can encourage you a bit.

I have been plugged into my job with the latest productivity tools that technology has to offer and remain that way year after year. I have carried smart phones since they first became available, and I have had mobile Internet at my side since its earliest availability. My job has always required it, and delegating the really important tasks to somebody else has often seemed impossible, or marginally possible but terrifying at best.

My example may be a bit extreme, but I know it will resonate with some micro-managers and other workaholics. You see, aside from being a marketing guy, I am also the CEO of a company that provides Internet services to service providers. Since 2000, I have been responsible for more servers operating in more data centers across America, and Internet connectivity to more end-consumers than all but very small number of people. When there are millions of dollars riding on things working perfectly 99.999 percent of the time, somebody has to hold ultimate accountability and make decisions in the event that thousands of websites or Internet connections are affected by a DOS attack or a router going bad. That is usually the guy with chest pains and a death grip on his cell phone.

Even long before that, I remember keeping a “bag phone” no more than a few feet away back in the 1980’s. You know, because a consulting client may have had some brilliant idea to run by me at any minute of the day. Yikes … it has actually been decades now. Time sure can slip by fast when you are running a business, and all that time, I have been just a bit uncomfortable that I may miss an important call.

My willingness to work harder and keep pushing my capabilities against all odds has served me well. I have grown some great companies, and I have had an exciting career. Like any career, it has had its ups and downs. Whenever it seems to become a bit lackluster, I start looking back into my career history to try and find patterns and to figure out what I am doing wrong … or what I am just not doing right.

A common reason I found for the productivity downturns is when I pushed a little too far beyond my optimal productivity and lost focus on the purpose of my career.

I think of it in terms of a Gaussian function … you know, like a bell curve. If you sit at the top of your productivity bell curve, you are doing it right. Pushing beyond that, you quickly enter a point of diminishing returns, and the productivity outcome is no longer worth the effort.

Yes, I am a math geek. Since I am a marketing guy, and a computer programmer on top of that, it should be expected. Don’t worry though, I will not drag you into a mathematical discussion of probability distribution.

Has Somebody Warned You About Workaholism?

Has anybody ever questioned how you keep on doing what you are doing? Maybe you have heard somebody ask “Do you ever sleep?” I have heard this a lot, but I always used to take it as a compliment. What I eventually realized is that it is sometimes better to take it as a caution.

I’ll give you an example. In about 2004, my wife told me that I was working too hard and that I needed to take more time for myself. She encouraged a hobby, so I began taking more time for an old passion of motorcycles. That carried on, and moved me on to my life-long passion for cars. Not just cars, but really fast cars, and racing them.

I took more time to unplug myself just enough to see why I worked so hard in the first place. When it came to the real purpose of my career, it had an emphasis in providing security for my family, and to enjoy some leisure. Realizing it enough to rejuvenate myself with the original passion required me to take a step back and see it as a part of the picture and not the whole picture.

Once I realized the important reasons I was working so hard, things went gangbusters. My business went crazy! Things were better at home, and we had more babies. As crazy as this may seem, each baby gave me a pay raise. It happened because I worked smarter instead of working harder, and I learned the value of balance. Don’t get me wrong, I was still carrying all the technology and productivity tools with me. I have still been on-call 24 hours per day since the 1990’s, but once I realized that my career was just a part of the bigger job of being happy … I got happier!

The power of a refreshed mind, and the power of happiness may seem mythical at times. The common wisdom is that you must keep your nose to the grindstone, walk on fire, and a whole lot of other uncomfortable things. If you really believe it when people tell you these things are the keys to having a successful career, I believe you are doing yourself a disservice. Endurance is extremely important, and unplugging can provide huge benefits. It is not all about how much pain and tragedy you can endure.

Business and Career Require Endurance, But Not a Grindstone!

Having peace in your career, and realizing that it is an endurance race and not a short sprint is a big step toward succeeding. Enjoying what you do, and looking closer at why you are doing it is far more valuable than grinding your nose and burning your feet. I am saying this from experience, and what I truly believe.

In a look-back, I find things I have known for years and told myself I would never forget, but I still seem to forget them somehow. One of them is the wisdom of knowing when to disconnect, and actually having the courage to do it. “Unplugging” can be a great chance to reboot and resume greater productivity, but easy to neglect until later.

I have been taking a closer look at myself and my career history recently. I look at some of the peaks in my own career, and I find that some of the most productive times have been when I realized when to push less. Sometimes the timing did not seem logical, because conventional wisdom says that when you are riding a huge wave, it is the time to surf with all you’ve got. Unconventional, but often more productive wisdom says that if you are not careful, burnout can set in even faster than expected.

My best times ever have come after remembering to relax just a little more and stop punishing myself. It has been a little while since I felt this way, but when I knew it and remembered it, I got happy. In fact, I got happy enough that I was earning more money every week or two than an average American family was per year … all while struggling less, working fewer hours, and enjoying everything a lot more than before.

Maybe you’ve heard the term “hindsight is 20/20”. Of course, that means you can see the past perfectly clearly. I don’t think it is quite that perfect, but it holds a lot of predictive data, along with all of that great stuff we call experience.

I pushed like crazy to build a company to pay me enough to feel satisfied. I kept pushing for as long as I saw continual progress, but then I learned when it was time to unplug, and even face my fears to delegate a few tasks when it was appropriate.

I think I’ll try that again. It was sure more fun than feeling guilty to take in a little leisure. It was more profitable, too!

I have just one more bug to put in your ear. If you know somebody needing to delegate their marketing more wisely, I will be delighted to hear from them. Oh, or a race team looking for a wining driver … I am well-qualified for that, too! 😉

Coming Soon: Maybe you’ll think it is completely nuts to unplug and take a step back. I will soon share something that gave me a good reminder to pull the plug. I think you’ll like it. I hope you’ll be sure to return.

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Applebee’s Review Explains Why Companies Should Care About Online Reviews

Do people complain differently online than they do to your face? In most cases, you bet they do! Let’s have a look at why that matters, and how you can turn bad online reviews from a frightening fact of life into a benefit. First, here’s a short and relevant story from real life. It is my online review of Applebee’s Neighborhood Grill & Bar in Topeka, Kansas.

My wife and I worked very hard through the week. I am a web guy, and she is Owner / Chef of Mad Eliza’s Cakes and Confections … working hard is what we do.

After a long work week, we decided that our kitchen at home was closed for the day. Without deciding on a destination, we packed the kids in the car and headed out for dinner. As we drove down what I would describe as “restaurant row” in our town of Topeka, Kansas, we decided to go to Applebee’s. We figured it would be a quick place to eat, with something to suit everybody from ages two to 39. We had not been to an Applebee’s restaurant in a long time, but it didn’t take long to realize why.

Perhaps I would be a lot harsher if I had not waited ten days to write this, but I’ll be generous to say that they did a fine job with the ice water. As for the steak, it was absolutely without a shadow of a doubt the worst piece of meat I ever saw on a plate. It was as if Applebee’s purchasing department found the toughest cow in the pasture, put it on a treadmill for a few months to get rid of any tenderness or flavor, and waited for it to die of old age. Then they took the sick joke even further and sent it to my local Applebee’s, cooked it to a charcoal briquette and put it on my plate!

Note to Applebee’s: When a guy orders a steak “rare enough that a good veterinarian could bring it back to life”, and specifically asks for it cold, that means you don’t cook the damn thing into jerky!

That’s enough about the poor old cow … but how about that “baked” potato? It was cold … the way I asked for the steak. I could barely even cut it with the knife they gave me, and I am not exaggerating.

I hesitate to give an accurate Gordon Ramsay style critique, but mostly because I don’t want to curse that much on my blog … on a Monday. So, I made a video montage of Chef Ramsay to do the cursing at Applebee’s for me.

My wife suggested that I tell them about it, but I said … “I’m not going to be one of those people.” Of course, I followed it up by whipping out my phone, taking a photo, and saying “Nope … I’ll blog about it.” I am always looking for real-life experiences to blog about, so this opened the door to a topic of online reviews, and what could be better than a restaurant to demonstrate?

I don’t enjoy the personal confrontation, and I am not alone in this. Besides, if Applebee’s is running the kitchen that poorly, I can only imagine what kind of people are back there … and what they would do to my food if I told them they had done a bad job. Have you ever seen the movie “Waiting”? Here … watch this video “Why We Use Online Restaurant Review Sites“ to see what I mean.

Online Reviews Demonstrate How Customers Complain After They Leave

It may be easy to imagine that customers will exaggerate a complaint in an online review more than in person. There are surely instances of this, but the frightening reality is that people are often just being more forthright with their feelings of frustration.

It is easier to complain without company representation there trying to defend something that, as a customer in the heat of the moment, may seem indefensible. This holds true for both online and offline communications, but many people have come to expect less defensiveness from companies in online communications. One reason is because the company knows other people are watching, and another far worse reason is because the company is not watching.

Have you ever tried to complain to somebody who just didn’t seem to listen, or who did not give you the response you hoped for when you did complain? If you have ever encountered it, you surely know how aggravating that can feel. It is like an act of passive aggression, and it adds fuel to the fire. That is exactly how online complaints tend go, when companies are not listening. Here is the Wikipedia definition for passive–aggressive behavior:

Passive–aggressive behavior, a personality trait, is passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following through with expectations in interpersonal or occupational situations. It is a personality trait marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.

It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

Online Reviews Are Not Just for Consumers to Read

I find many instances of companies afraid to acknowledge their online reviews. I have heard people say things as absurd as “we cannot do anything about a negative review anyway” or “what if we respond to a review and people don’t like it?”

Being both a consumer, and a marketing strategist, I hope you can imagine how this makes my hair gray. What about the concern that these are customers who want to be heard, and deserve to be heard? What about the outcome if companies don’t respond … can they really somehow believe that people will like that any better?

Reviews are great for consumers. They may present their review as a compliment, as constructive criticism, or express their anger to a company where others can see it. In each case, they present opportunities for a company to come out better than before.

In some instances, a customer may just feel that their complaint is too petty to deliver in person, or they don’t feel like the outcome will be worth even the least confrontation. Of course, there is also the matter of hunting down and waiting for the right person to best direct the complaint. Have you ever waited for a manager in a store or restaurant, or waited on hold to tell your story? People really hate that, but online, there is no waiting to say your piece, and there are often other consumers there to cheer you on with a rant. This is especially the case if the company is not responding, or responds poorly.

An Upside to Bad Reviews

Even in the event of a dispute or a harsh criticism, there is a great opportunity to improve people’s opinion. Dispute resolution provides many chances to let people see your company in a completely new light. If you handle online reviews well, the opportunity for gain is even greater than offline communication. Then again, so is the loss … so it is important to get this right! Give it some thought before you react. Consider how others may feel. Whatever you do, don’t bury your head in the sand and act like you never saw it. That is pathetic, and that’s will just add fuel to an already destructive fire.

Try to look at it this way: Complaints are a customer’s way of giving you a chance to regain their faith and make them happy. Ignoring them is not the right answer.

I have just one more thing to add, before I leave you to write your comments and share this with others. Here is a closer look at that disgusting steak and potato that Applebee’s served. It does not quite look like the one in their menu.

Steak from Applebee's Neighborhood Grill & Bar, Topeka, Kansas

Addendum:

At the “brilliant” urging of a commenter, Lori Smart, I decided to add a copy of my receipt from this visit to Applebee’s. After all, as she said, “there is no record at the location’s management that you were even a customer there”. Here is that record, complete with the server’s name.

Here is a photo of my three kids across the table from my horrid Applebee’s steak. After seeing that nasty piece of meat, my dear little Madeline had to force a smile through the fear. 😀

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Social Media Goals and Complications of Winning

I just read an article from a great business coach and friend, John Falchetto. It related business to sports, and the importance of keeping your eye on the prize, rather than just the challenges that come between you and your goals.

His article got me to thinking about how people’s perceptions of winning are drastically different. John’s article, “How to Get Past Challenges”, included a video of Lance Armstrong racing in Tour de France 2003. Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you have probably heard of Lance Armstrong. He won Tour de France seven consecutive times, even after surviving testicular cancer. That is a huge accomplishment, and he obviously knows how to win.

In the video, a competitor, Joseba Beloki, crashed right in front of Lance. Without hesitation, Lance found a way around the complication to achieve the win. Winning is what he does. He sees beyond obstacles of nearly any magnitude, and does not let them get in his way. Here is the video, so you can see it for yourself.

Armstrong swerved around the downed rider to continue in the race. He was focused on winning, and he surely had a picture in his mind of crossing the finish line with another victory.

Here’s the deal: In order to win in a competitive environment, it takes focus, and drive. You have to see it, feel it, and really want it to make it happen. In fact, you have to see it, feel it, and want it enough to overcome obstacles.

Sometimes the toughest obstacles come in the form of people who will hate you for winning. Whether it is a competitor, or just another cynic, some people really will hate you for winning … if you do it enough. Lance Armstrong has certainly taken a whole lot of criticism for winning, including relentless accusations of using performance-enhancing drugs.

The Psychology of Winning

The psychology of winning has been the topic of about a squillion books, and other studies. It should be little surprise that only a small number of them were actually created or inspired by “losers”. Oh, they have surely lost many times, but their perseverance continues to drive them to win. Some people hate them for that … I mean really despise them. Success polarizes an audience, and as much as it may be wrong, it brings people together, and it separates people. You just can’t make everybody happy … so stop trying! The ones who do appreciate your goals and your efforts will appreciate you even more.

When it comes to social media, that cynicism has very fertile soil. In fact, I wrote about the power of cynicism in a still-relevant 2009 piece titled “Self-Promotion: The Ugliest Term Ever!” This article was taken from one of my books, and it addressed the hypersensitivity of people when it comes to a marketing message. Some people will really hate it, and some people will understand that marketing is what helps companies progress toward better things. After all, without marketing, how many of the great products in your home or business would you own today? For that matter, without marketing, nobody would ever go on a date, get married, or carry on the species. We must market our goods and services in order to succeed, or even survive. That means showing what we have to offer, and delivering it to the right people, just to get anything in life, from a job to a mate.

Winning is a very tricky thing, and our individual psychology surrounding success is one of the biggest obstacles. I could write a whole book on the psychology of winning. Come to think of it … I already did! It was titled “Living in the Storm“, and I put a whole lot of experience into that book. I have won … a lot, both as a highly trained race car driver, and as a 15 year old school dropout who retired at 25, screwed that up, and came back to create a very successful corporation. It took a lot of losing, and a lot of scrutiny from people who hated me for those things.

Look at that … I just promoted two of my books in under a minute. Doesn’t that just piss you off?

Overcome The Cynics … They Aren’t Buying Your Lunch!

In a real-life instance of trying to please everybody, versus doing what is good for my readership and for myself, I’ll give you just a brief and recent example of cynicism. Remember, the cynics are not the ones we care about in marketing … the ones buying lunch, or the ones who know the ones who are buying lunch are what we care about here! The others will run you down, and they are obstacles. They often hold you back from doing the things which are best for your business, and they are clearly not there to feed your kids.

Perhaps you saw my snazzy new popup on the way here. In case you missed it, the popup looks like the image below. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to cover your eyes and scroll past this. It is pretty offensive!

A screenshot of this recent addition to my blog showed up in a Google+ post by my friend, Jeff Gibbard. His initial comment was “Nice new pop-up. Been thinking about doing something similar to increase subscriber count. Is that a WordPress plugin?” He was curious about using it on his blog, Social Media Philanthropy.

The next comment on the post was from Paul Mosenson, and it said “That is cool. I;d like to learn how he did that as well”. Paul’s comment inspired me to write a tutorial on it … one of these days (if you like it, be sure to subscribe, and I’ll show you how to do it). It is not a plugin, and since I am a programmer, I found it pretty easy. Surely I can help to make it easy for others, too.

Another comment was overwhelmingly negative, as if I had claimed to be a fan of Adolph Hitler, son of Sadam Hussein, and dear friend to Osama bin Laden … and then told him he had ugly kids and a slutty wife. I expected that mentality from some people. After all, it may actually serve my interests, and that would be … well, it would be … HORRIBLE! Yeah, getting something for my work … like somebody new to connect and network with, or a prospective client, or somebody who liked my work enough to pass it along to somebody who needs marketing help … that would probably kill teddy bears and make unicorns cry.

The point is that the people who made it beyond the horrendous insult of the popup are the people I care about. It takes under a tenth of a second to click any blank part of the page to make the popup go away (for a week), and it has boosted my subscriber rate at a significant level. Has it made people click away? It doesn’t look that way so far. Will it drive away the people I care about, or the ones who are actually buying my lunch? Heck no, they want to be here, and they appreciate the reminder to keep coming back, because I have something useful and interesting to say. They have interests in our mutual success, and they care that I keep doing what I do to help them, just as I care to keep helping.

In the end, there is a big difference between good business-building and the ugly mistakes that I wrote about a couple days ago in “5 Spam Tactics Good People Use to Kill Business Efforts“.

The difference is quality, but if you let people hate and intimidate you away from doing what your business needs in order to grow, they will be eating a lot better than you.

Do what you need to do, and do it with quality. Leave the “pleasing everybody” to the competitors who are willing to destroy their return on investment by pandering to people who really don’t give a damn about them anyway. You want the ones buying your lunch, and I do to.

If you see your life’s work the way the cynical people do, you are wise to sleep in a coat of armor and wake up ready for a fight. On the other hand, if you embrace the joy of a happy waiter, and do your very best job to serve the people who matter, your success will be measurably greater than the hateful others hoping to dictate your future.

If you didn’t hate this, and if you have an eensy bit of respect for the thoughts I shared here, tweet, Facebook, email, and Google+ this to those people for me, will you please?

If you did hate it, please add your comments to express your dislike.

Photo Credit:
Lance Armstrong by Angus Kingston via Flickr

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5 Spam Tactics Good People Use to Kill Business Efforts

I am being pretty generous by using “spam” and “good people” in the same line, but I am trying to be forgiving. As surprising as it may seem, there are instances where otherwise good people will do spammy things which tarnish their business hopes. I don’t mean the canned meat, SPAM®, either. I mean the spam that happens when people try anything to get your attention.

I view spam as a desperate attempt to be productive while using counterproductive means.

When I say that it is an otherwise good person, it is often simply because they don’t know any better. They get confused by so much hype about the Internet, and end up doing spammy things that tarnish their business hopes, and hurt their chances for successful business communication.

Spam Tactic Number One: Company Names

It may seem innocuous to use a company name instead of a human name, but there is a time and a place for each. You may think this is subjective, but the numbers have come in, and if you are making this mistake, you are very likely hurting your odds.

Regardless what some flunky want-to-be “expert” may have told you, if you are not communicating explicitly on behalf of a company entity, it is best to use your human name. Even in those cases when it is “all business”, if you will be accepting any feedback, you should include your name. You know … the one your parents gave you.

An instance of this spam offense which has come back to hurt thousands of unwitting businesses is creating a Facebook Profile under the company name, but then having it deleted for a Facebook terms of service violation. Why would Facebook delete a profile with a business name? The answer is easy … because they should have been using a Facebook Page. If you don’t know the difference, or just how much it matters, you would be wise to read “Facebook Profiles Are Not For Business … Facebook Pages Are!”

You may argue the perceived benefit of using a company name in place of a personal name all you like, but before you get too set on your opinions, you may want to read an article titled “Social Media Profiles: Keywords, Company Names, and Humans“. It will explain how some of the best researched companies in the world are handling the matter. If you think that using your company name as a replacement for your given name is a good idea, think again!

There are many instances when the brand of a person is far more important than the brand of a company. Sometimes the company name adds authority to the person, but it is even more common that a person adds authority to the company. Heck, in my instance, only a small percentage of people I communicate with are aware that I am CEO of a successful decade-old wholesale Internet services corporation. The ones who need to know (customers and potential customers) are very aware. It shows up on their bill.

A real person with a human name will win the hearts and minds of people over companies every time. Many successful corporations know this, and prove it to be true.

Spam Tactic Number Two: Being False

Claiming to be something or somebody else is just asking for trouble, but it happens all the time. It is more common in personal communications than in business, but it happens in business more than you may like to imagine. This is done in many forms, but I will classify it as “Hot Chick Spam”.

I recall a specific instance of a beautiful lady (or “hot chick” if you prefer) whom I quickly realized was not what she claimed. It was a man who used a name and photograph of a beautiful woman instead of his own, because he was sure that more people would listen to and buy from a good looking woman.

There are certain word patterns, even in short Twitter messages which can give away even the best lies, as well as other obvious discovery tools. In the instance of my “hot chick” example, it only took a moment to figure out that it was a man, so I looked up the website owner with a WHOIS lookup and made a phone call. As I expected, when I asked to speak with the woman from Twitter, the truth came out really quick!

He got over this absurd plan for success once I pointed out how easily he could be exposed. His company also ended up hiring me to handle the search engine optimization for a highly competitive million+ page website. No, will not tell you who he/she was … under any circumstances! What I can tell you is that their business communications are far more legitimate and far more effective now that the company is represented by real people.

Spam Tactic Three: Spammy Blog Comments

If you have a blog, you surely get spam comments, but did you know that some people actually think it is a good strategy? This spam offense aligns with the previous two, but it goes further, and it can become a very destructive tactic for the spammer and the blog owner alike.

This is What Blog Comment Spam Looks Like to a Blog Owner

This spam tactic is generally executed by using industry keywords (or a company name) in place of a proper name when posting comments to a blog. Since those keywords will then be the link text pointing to the spammer’s website, it is assumed that it will be great for search engine ranking. It makes sense, right? If it could only be so easy, don’t you think everybody would do it? Then it would just be a battle to see who could produce the largest amount of spam. Actually, that does pretty well sum up this kind of spammer’s mentality, but they are so wrong, and they kill their chances of success like you may never believe! Search engines are simply not this stupid.

Ironically, this particular tactic was also previously implemented by the company I mentioned in “Spam Tactic Two.” In their case, they had paid some guys in India to write thousands of pithy blog comments including their website links. They got some extra website visitors out of it, but not the paying kind. When their website was brutally punished by Google and other search engines, they were ready to jump out of a third story window. You know … not really committed to death, but definitely upset enough for a jump.

If you think that something may be spammy, it probably is. I recently replied to this kind of spammer, and he actually answered back saying that he was not a spammer. My answer to that was as follows:

I am glad you responded. I just figured it was pretty unlikely that Mother Business Card and Father Brochure actually came together and decided to name their little beloved one “Logo Designer”.
REF: SPAM or Not SPAM? The First Test is Your Name!

Many people agree with my view of blog spammers, but apparently some people still don’t grasp the downsides.

Spam Tactic Four: Follow Me!

There are many obvious examples of this spam tactic found every minute of the day on Facebook and Twitter. It is commonly expected that having a lot of people “follow” what you have to say will matter. But guess what?! Those people who are quick to follow you without a good reason are also likely following about a squillion others just like you. They aren’t paying close attention and just waiting for the right time to send you a wallet full of money. They are usually just following you so that you will follow them back. You know, because that way you will both gain some amazing authority.

The truth that is hard to drive home is that more is not always better. I have given examples of this more times than I can count, but people usually have to make their own mistakes before they learn.

It stunned me how many people thought it was a useful action-list when I wrote a completely smart assed article titled “How To Become Popular on Twitter Without Actually Being Useful“. Apparently a whole lot of people missed my disclaimer that stated as follows:

“If you follow this list without deviation, you are sure to become massively popular. Just remember that if anybody says “I hate you and hope you die a miserable death” or “You deserve a really bad case of herpes” … those people are just jealous because they will probably never be as popular as you.”

It does not always have to be an extreme overstatement or effort to be spam-like. If you want people to follow you just to feel better, try buying a feather … they tickle, too!

This obese woman selling weight loss has offered to help me build a huge following on Twitter. — Obese Woman Selling Weight Loss

When the “Twitter Follower Frenzy” or “Facebook Please Like Me” epidemic gets to be so desperate as this obese woman selling weight loss and trying to tell me how to grow a huge Twitter following, it is a clear failure (click the image to enlarge). Note: She has six people following her. Perhaps she meant something else when she said “huge”.

If tweeting and facebooking to a large number of people who do not care about what you have to say is really so useful, how are you measuring that success? Is it in the bank?

People who fall into this addictive need to spam more disinterested people will be better off measuring the cost of their missed opportunities from all that wasted time and energy. If you have fallen prey to the disease, it is time to regroup and get some help to develop a better strategy.

Spam Tactic Five: Shooting at Innocent Bystanders

Trying to reach everybody, instead of a targeted audience is really the widest use of spam. Do you remember how I defined spam as a desperate attempt to be productive while using counterproductive means? Trying to reach everybody is about the worst conceivable spam of all. It not only wastes the time and resources of the spammer, but can create a lot of other possible business communication side-effects.

A Lot of Ammunition is Good, But Sharper Aim is Better!

Before trying to market something, it is important to remember that “everybody” does not want what you offer for sale. “Everybody” is not a target. Lack of focus is the most costly mistake any company can make in marketing, and is often the biggest missing piece in a failed campaign.

The task of targeted marketing using customer modeling based on demographics, psychographics, and propensity analysis really does make the difference. You can count on it!

If you target the right people, and stop shooting blindly, you will no longer need to reach all of the people. The right ones will do the “heavy lifting” for you. When others are promoting your virtues on your behalf, it is no longer spam … it is marketing.

Spam Tactics and the Ignorant

Sure, anybody can be guilty from time to time, and sometimes a small degree of spamminess is just an accident. Ignorance does not mean a person is stupid, but simply that they don’t know any better.

I know that some people will try until their last breath to defend these atrocities. That would be easier than admitting to making huge errors. Maybe they believed a bad pitch from an ignorant marketing agency, or they believed the fairy dust that so many people are promoting each day about Internet marketing.

Sometimes it is the company itself that is the perpetrator of the spamminess, but even more often it is because they trusted the wrong people to handle it for them. I have encountered many companies that believed a crooked marketing consultant, without ever caring to understand whether their tactics were sustainable, and an overall strategy was never even a consideration.

Once the pain sets in, it is too late, and they end up paying somebody like me a whole lot more money to fix their mistakes. That is, to fix the mistake of their prior ignorance.

An even more tragic result is that many companies will keep trying to do the things which do not work, just because they refuse to listen to good advice. When their marketing isn’t working for them, they assume the whole thing just doesn’t work.

These are the people I call the willingly confused. I generally try to be forgiving and patient with them, but those are not my strongest traits. The reason my patience often fails is not because of ignorance, alone, but rather the apathy which so often comes along with it. When you throw a dose of apathy on top of ignorance, the ignorance is sustained because they don’t care enough to overcome it.

Without apathy, ignorance is much easier to fix. When people care to do better, and to know more, ignorance fades with each thing they learn. If you know somebody going down this path, you will be kind to warn them.

Photo Credits:
No Pooping by johannal via Flickr
World Cup Babes Australia by gnews pics via Flickr

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