social networking value Archives - Page 2 of 6 by Mark Murnahan

Social Media Express: Avoiding The Social Media Train Wreck

Social media is more than just a little bit special to me. Perhaps, if you have been using social media for a while, you feel this way, too. I have lived with my Internet connection close by my side for many years, like a good friend. Just like any longtime friend, it has changed. It has built me up, and it has let me down.

Social media has helped me to meet many wonderful people that I never would have met elsewhere. Those people include some of my closest friends of the last 15 years, and even my wife and mother of our three children, whom I met back in 2000. I think a lot of people can relate to how I feel about this special part of my life where I laugh, learn, and spend many hours working.

I still cherish many memories of times when social media was simpler. I guess it must feel kind of the way my 94 year old grandmother feels when she recalls her earlier days. The pace was more manageable, and people would still wave from their window in a train, and take more time to visit with the passengers around them.

Today, I want to encourage you to slow your social media train to avoid a crash. Yes, I said slow down … take your time. Read about one of the worst hazards of social media, and consider how you may avoid it.

Don’t Let Your Social Media Train Derail

Over the past few years, we invited the whole world to board the “Social Media Express”. It has created a time in our society which can adequately be termed “astonishing”. Now that the train is full, we all want to go somewhere, and get there fast.

Sometimes it seems that social media is like a runaway train with a huge payload of information and passengers just sitting there oblivious to the derail ahead of them. I have ridden this train to many derails, such as Yahoo! Groups that fell apart, and services that eventually phased out and friends lost communications. In cases where I looked far enough ahead, I could see it coming and warn my friends and we could slow the train down to resume our comfortable ride.

I feel very fortunate for the many people I met through social media and still communicate with regularly after teens of years. It took some effort to avoid the scattering effect of a train derailment, but it has been very worthwhile to me.

The big crash that I have emphatically warned people about is trying to “follow”, “friend”, “connect”, and etcetera, with excessive numbers of people with whom they never have any intention or ability to build a meaningful relationship.

I understand the huge urge for people to feel popular. I hear it all the time, even from people who have no real agenda to have a squillion connections, but just enjoy the appearance of being popular. If I had to point a finger at one single overriding challenge in social media, this would be it.

What so many people overlook is that having real communication and meaningful relationships with a smaller group who really listen to you or care about you is much more rewarding. This is true for both personal and business purposes, because it only takes about 150 people sharing something worthwhile to set it on a path to “viral” communication. Don’t try to argue this point with me, because I really will win this one.

Robin Dunbar Meets The Social Media Express

Have you ever heard of Dunbar’s Number? I will explain with a quote from Wikipedia:

“Dunbar’s number is a theoretical cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships.”

I watch people trying to push Dunbar’s Number to a breaking point every day. Once they run through each passenger car on the “Social Media Express”, they burn out and jump off the speeding train when they don’t get what they hoped for. They don’t pull the hand brake, they don’t say goodbye, and many of them will never board the train again. They broke their social media train.

I can certainly place a good amount of blame on the implied importance of somebody with a lot of “friends” in social media. After all, I must be more important if I have xxxxx followers on Twitter and xxxx friends on Facebook, right?

There is another big challenge created by the many desperate people producing deafening levels of static while trying so hard to become marketers. With enough of that static, it causes many people to build up stronger than ever communication barriers. This overheats the train’s brakes, and sends more than a few passengers jumping off between stations.

Can You Share in My Guilt?

I witness many examples of pending challenges in my own use of social media. For example, I tend to tune out a lot just in order to keep up with people communicating with me directly. I am always available to anybody on this Internet, but it takes a lot of effort to reach out and see what all of those people have to say. So I let them come to me. I have even found out shamefully late of people who died, because it took me a long time to make my rounds to their Facebook profile.

I do my best to put friends and interesting people into lists, and I try to keep up, but nobody is immune to the challenge of “keeping up”. Many of the people I used to hear from every day stopped participating in social media, because they felt burned out and like nobody heard them anyway. Twitter makes a profound statement in this area, and has a horrible churn rate. It is not just specific networks, either. Many bloggers have expressed concerns that although people are reading, their comments have diminished. I certainly see it here, as well. Even while my readership is consistently high, it seems that many people don’t want to discuss topics the way they used to.

Do Those Big Numbers Really Matter?

I have studied this dilemma for years, and I know the importance of reaching a lot of people. Sure, it may increase your odds, right? Well, the truth is that if those are not the right people, and they are just a number for the sake of numbers, your impact will not be proportionate with your efforts. When you see somebody with a lot of friends, followers, and whatever you want to call them, it generally happens for one of two reasons: They either sought a lot of people who were also looking for big numbers for the sake of numbers, or they earned those numbers by reaching an appropriate audience who cared what they have to say and pay attention. One method imitates popularity in order to appear important or to throw spam at the wall and hope it sticks, and the other method is to do something people care about and presenting it to the right people.

I recently looked at my Twitter followers to find that many thousands of them had not used Twitter at all in the last six months. I filtered them out by those who had not sent an update in the last 90 days, and found that for many of them it had been over six months. I unfollowed 1,000 of them, which were mostly just nameless and faceless to me, and then I stopped. I realized that it was a waste of time to keep sorting through the graveyard of fallen Twitter users. I had only followed them in the first place because they had followed me, so I don’t feel some huge loss of a close friend.

Back before it became so popular to try and follow everybody under the sun, I used to see a huge value in Twitter. I liked it enough that I was asked to write a book about Twitter. I wrote it, and it was pretty good. I published it in July 2009, but I wish I had written it a few months sooner, before the Twitter graveyard started filling up.

Back in the good old days of social media, even as recently as Twitter, people paid attention to others. There were more conversations, and the conversations turned into friendships, and many times into business.

Today, I tweet something and it can sometimes seem to go unnoticed, even if it is totally hilarious or brilliant. Very few people respond, and almost nobody retweets things, compared to earlier years. Is it because they all hate each other, or is it because they simply went blind and only communicate if you go directly to them?

It is a tough call, but the numbers clearly indicate a speeding train.

Do You Slow Down and Say Hello Enough?

As a person who works and socializes here in this social media world, I have sometimes wondered “Is it me? Did I do something that changed things? Did I contribute to the extra hustle and bustle?” I really don’t think so, but I always try to keep myself in check.

I still find great value in many areas of social media, and it is still a very good place to make friends, build relationships, and produce new business. In fact, far better than any other, but it requires greater effort than ever before. It is not as easy as it used to be, and it can be more challenging than earlier years. It sometimes makes me wonder if I hadn’t been in my industry for so many years, what it would look like to me today. I have watched it evolve, and I have evolved with it nicely, but for somebody new here, I think it could get pretty overwhelming, and lose its luster quickly.

The Social Media Train is Human-Powered

I have written volumes of thoughts on the human aspects of our technical world. I write it in books, blogs, and I talk to groups about the importance of the real human communications that social media is so great for.

We control the pace of the train we are on, and the direction it travels. There are no rails, and plenty of great people and places to see. I only hope that more people will enjoy the ride, consider the people, stop running from car to car seeking more people to irritate with bad marketing, and avoid the train wreck.

Here is just a small selection of things I have said to try and caution others, and help them become more cognizant of the people around them. The longer list is found throughout my blog archive and in my books. I would not say these things if I didn’t mean them, and can stand behind them.

A Story from My Social Media Train Car

Something slowed my train nicely a few days ago. As I was unfollowing that 1,000 people on Twitter, as I mentioned, I came across several old friends who had dropped off the face of Twitter. One of them was Tom Roquemore, whom I met on Twitter a couple years ago. I like Tom, but he stopped using Twitter last October, and we hadn’t communicated since then.

Remembering good talks we had shared, I put him on my list of people to contact by phone. Before I even got around to calling him, my phone rang and it was Tom. We talked for a while and it was great to hear from him again. The timing was kind of uncanny, but we probably would have talked even sooner if our train was just moving a little slower.

How Does Tom Roquemore Affect My Social Media Train?

I have used social media, in one way or another, since before Yahoo! purchased GeoCities. That has been a long time, and I have seen a lot in those passing years. One thing that I have found to be the most valuable of all is to focus on a core group of the right people who really listen and feel strongly about the value you represent. That is where true and worthwhile popularity stems. It is like the initial spark of an explosion, and it starts very small. This holds true in the largest of all marketing campaigns, and in the smallest of groups. If you focus more on value over volume, your success and your enjoyment will be far greater. You just have to slow the train to recognize it, and find the truth in what I am telling you.

If some of you great people will slow down and add your comments here on my blog, maybe we could show others the start of a better habit. A habit of taking the time and effort to bring better communications back to social media, and not just rushing to the next thing that seems urgent.

Conga line image credit to fallingrock via Flickr

Anybody Will Sell You Stuff: Some Will Ask “What About You?”

Listening Builds Friendships ... and Companies! — Listening Builds Friendships
... and Companies!

Let’s consider a trait that we can each benefit from, and most of us should work harder to achieve. I will tell it in personal terms, and then explain how it applies to marketing a business.

I am sure you must know somebody who makes you feel comfortable to talk with about anything you want to talk about. When I find myself encountering this rare-as-a-unicorn person who just wants to know about me, and the things I want, it almost feels awkward at first, but in a uniquely good way.

I am talking about those people who listen attentively and do more than just nod their head and yawn as you ramble, while waiting to assert their agenda. I mean the kind who draw you in and make you feel totally comfortable to want what you want, think what you think, and be who you are. You tell them things, because they actually show their interest in you.

When you encounter this type of person, it is easy to feel that their story has got to be a great one. Their expressed interest in you has made them more interesting, and it makes you want to know them better, and to hear their side. Suddenly, there is a desire to switch things around and make the conversation more about them, what they want, what they think, and how you can be a better friend to them.

I hope that you have had the privilege to know somebody like I have described here. If so, you are probably nodding and smiling as you think of the way it makes you feel about them. It may even make you want to ring them on the phone to catch up on things since you last spoke.

Applying Listening to Marketing a Brand

Think about how you feel in a scenario where a person really cares what you have to say. I don’t mean the kind who fake it, but rather the kind where you can sense a sincere interest in you. Don’t you want to be more like them?

Have you ever encountered this feeling that you are talking too much and listening too little? All of the sudden you feel a little bit like a conversation hog, but it is so hard to change. When you want more business, you have to talk more, and it becomes hard to remember those listening skills.

This “listening person” we all enjoy is often there, in the back of our mind, but they are very hard to emulate. What I described is a common dynamic of any relationship, but the special ones we think so kindly about are simply better at it than we are.

In business, we each have our agenda, and our sets of rules for what we think is the best outcome for our own interests. We plan things in ways that we will get what we want out of the relationship, and deviating from that plan is a threat. It is simply against the rules.

In marketing, it is very popular to be the one doing all the talking, and nod and yawn while customers try to tell us what they want. I see extreme selfishness every day in marketing. I see it most profoundly online, because it is easy for companies to scream louder when they think that nobody is listening.

It is important to notice when our set of rules and a selfish mindset diminishes our potential. This is a common outcome when we forget to listen and be that person who becomes more interesting simply by being genuinely interested.

Consider for just a moment the instances when it may be best to approach business as a bit more of an interested introvert, and less of an interesting extrovert. It may create a chance to reset your objectives and become a better “friend” to your customers. The outcome will often be that you will become more interesting, and others will think kindly and smile when they think of your business. The good news is that this truly is scalable to any size of brand!

Are you taking enough time to ask people “What about you?” I guess we could call compassion and listening matters of “growing up” or “wisdom”, but I believe that we can each do more to cultivate our listening and caring skills.

How can you better address the importance of listening to what people want? Will you do the necessary research? Will you take that extra time to slow down and get to know what people want and expect of you?

What do you have to say about this? I welcome your comments, and I want to know “What about you?”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Social Media and the Underestimated Value of Being Liked

When you think about your social media marketing efforts, it may be easy to consume yourself with all of the facts, figures, demographics, psychographics, website visitors, and how getting it all just right will help your business to succeed. I have written what feels like a squillion words about reaching the right people, being useful, gathering data, dissecting the data to measure your marketing efforts, and other fine things.

Something that I find a lot of people underestimate is the value of being liked. I do not mean “liked” in the sense of somebody clicking “Like” on Facebook, either. I mean, actually being likable and not just because you are offering your awesome stuff at spectacular prices with free shipping. I mean giving people reasons to hold you, or your brand, in high regard.

Each and every one of us has a level of trust among our friends. Even the worst people you will ever meet have the benefits of clout. Even if it is only their mother, there is somebody who holds them in high regard and cares about their opinion. The most common reason is that they are liked.

It reminds me of something a good friend of mine says as he nervously awaits his results each election year. He says “As a politician, I can only count on two votes … mine, and my mother.” Fortunately for him, he is very well liked, and he was recently elected for his fifth term in the Kansas Legislature.

A truth that every successful politician knows very well is that even with the best political platform and massive visibility, it will all fail if they are not likable. This does not just mean being likable enough to get elected, but likable enough to create action in a desired direction. You can still polarize people and be liked and respected. In fact, polarizing an audience is a good way to know who really does like you.

With little exception, each one of us has a group of people who respect us, like us, listen to us, and follow our advice. Being likable is not always as easy to measure as we prefer, but if it was, we would probably all walk through our lives feeling really bold and confident about how we influence somebody … at least somebody.

In case you ever doubted it, this should come as great news for you. You have influence, but where did you get it? If you think about this, it often comes from being liked, more than from any other factor. You may doubt it, or have a bad day and overlook it sometimes, but being liked, or lack thereof, is a big factor in the success of almost anything you attempt.

Like and dislike are not the only two options. There is a wide chasm of indifference between the two. If you want to be liked, you must give people reasons. That is how you move them across the chasm.

Testing the Theory of Being Liked

As a test of the value of being liked, let’s picture two people. It does not really matter what they do for a living, but we will say they are “rocket surgeons”. They went to school for brain surgery and followed it up to become rocket scientists. Both are clearly smart and capable, but which one wins?

Rocket Surgeon Jim is a person you respect highly for his genius ideas and brilliant works in his field, but you do not consider him overly likable. He is polite, but he is just not the kind you gravitate to at a party. Something about Jim seems uncomfortable, and you sometimes wonder how sad and boring it must be to be Jim’s wife. Jim is not a bad person, but he seems a little bit “robotic” and not much of a people person.

Rocket Surgeon David is somebody who is perhaps a notch or two less genius than Jim, but you like David very much. He is quite competent, but his likability alone seems to open doors for him. Just the mention of David’s name brings about good thoughts, and he is the kind of person you like to be around … or maybe even the kind of person you want to be more like.

Which rocket surgeon do you think will find more success in their endeavors?

The value of being likable comes in widely varying degrees, but it always matters. In my estimation, you are probably not too excited to do business with “Rocket Surgeon Jim”, right? Further, you will probably not recommend him to others, like those people I mentioned, who are influenced by you.

Now, if you turn this around and think about how others will respond to you if they do not like you, it is easy to see how it can hurt a business. I mean any business, and even the most genius ones, doing the most brilliant work. Being liked does not just mean keeping people from disliking you, but also actually giving them reasons to like you.

I do not wish to imply that you must be a people-pleaser, but giving reasons to be liked and not just being “robotic” is worth the effort.

Likability Applied to Social Media

The power of being liked is especially evident when you apply it to the vast, and fast moving vehicle of influence, which is social media.

Being genuinely likable, whether as an individual, or as a brand, offers the best possibility to improve the chances of achieving your objectives. If you neglect the importance of being likable, and you just operate as a machine, you are missing the biggest of all assets. Even the least suspecting people you meet will influence somebody, and if they like you, something great could happen.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Say “Hi” … It is a Great Conversation Starter

I have been reaching out to some friends today, and it reminds me just how simple, yet valuable, saying “hi” can be. Some days, the networker in me takes over and I make time for just saying “hi” to people.

I often look through my Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn connections and seek out their telephone number to call and say hello. It often surprises people that I called them, because in many cases they were just “online acquaintances” prior to my call. When they hear a friendly “hi”, it can break the ice and open the door for a more meaningful and memorable connection.

Sure, you could say that you just don’t have time for it. After all, when you break the barrier between the broadcast effect of social networking and enter a more personal networking space, it takes more time. You may only reach one at a time with “hi”, but isn’t it worth a try?

How important can this be? I am not offering return on investment figures for this, but I can certainly say that it has been beneficial to me in many ways. Sometimes I find that people are really pleased that I took the time to connect by voice, and other times they wonder how I got their number (Tip: A WHOIS search can be very handy). I have often been met with kind questions about how my wife and kids are doing, or about something I recently wrote. However, I have never been met with insult.

Stop Overlooking the Value of “Hi”

“Hi” is a basic essential of networking, and yet it is so easy to neglect when we get busy or rely too heavily on a broadcast mentality. Networking with others and being friendly with a simple “hi” can have some very unexpected benefits. If you don’t believe me, just try it.

I love helping people to find what they are seeking. Whether they are looking for friends, customers, a job, or pink ponies, I try my best to know the right people to refer them to. That is the networker in me, and I have always enjoyed being able to connect people. Of course, that means knowing them, first.

It can be extremely refreshing to reach out to others and learn more about them. It is a great way to learn what motivates them, and that can be very motivating. With an attitude of seeking what they want, and how you can help them find it, you may be surprised how receptive people can be. When it is done without self-seeking, it can create some unexpected results. It can also create some great friendships and business alliances … you never know.

It can all start by saying “hi”.

Try it out, and say “hi” to somebody today.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Etc.: All Those Friends and Now What?

Making friends is fun. Some of them just touch us for a moment, and some of them last a lifetime. Social media has changed a lot of our communications, and sometimes for the better. Usually it is for the better, but not always.

Over the past decade and a half or so, I have acquired a lot of contacts online. I try to keep a sense of closeness with them, and I still enjoy the friendship of many old friends from the once-popular AOL and Yahoo! social networks. In fact, one in particular stands out. We met ten years ago and became close as members of a Yahoo! chat group that got together every Friday night. We were married eight and a half years ago, built multiple successful companies together, and have three darling children now. A sad and frightening thought that occurs to me is whether with today’s astonishing level of social media static and frenzy to reach so many people, whether she would have even heard me.

What Happens When Social Media Gets Too Noisy?

I really care about my social networks, and they bring a lot into my life. I enjoy reconnecting with old friends from way back, and reminiscing about our crazy times as kids. I enjoy the many business relationships that I have built through social networking. I enjoy meeting new people who can make hot coffee shoot from my nose as I laugh at their uncanny wit, or who make me feel more love and compassion with stories of their lives. I suspect that you can relate to this on some level.

There is scarcely a day when I do not receive something that I hold dear, if only for a moment, that has come to me by way of my social networks. I think this is true for many of us, or otherwise social networks would likely lose much of their audience. We would lose much of our audience of friends who bring smiles with their presence.

In the past few years, the world has created a lot of “friends”, “followers”, “connections”, and etcetera. I guess that made it feel cozier when we call people “friends”, even if they are just another random person willing to check out our lives in exchange for checking out their lives. After all, by having “friends”, it is pretty easy to feel as if people like you, or at least pay attention to you. They express it every time they “like”, “comment”, “share”, “retweet”, and etcetera.

Social media satisfies our need to connect with others. Sometimes it just satisfies our need to be heard. It makes us feel popular, and it validates us. It is often something emotional, even for those who do not acknowledge it as emotion. We each want to connect on some level, and social media does that for us. It lets us collaborate, connect, share, and feel a sense of togetherness that is otherwise unlikely or impossible through pre-Internet channels. It is usually just fine, but if you are not diligent and attentive with social media, it can all begin to sound like static.

How Could Social Networking Possibly Go Wrong?

My short answer to how social networking can go wrong is that it can go wrong in more ways than it can go right. Perhaps the worst of all is a sense of static noise from having so many people trying to communicate with you, and not having an orderly way to keep the static down and let the important information through.

I am not saying that there is a defined “right way” and “wrong way” to enjoy your social media. What I am saying is that it is really easy to overlook the things which make it more fun, productive, and sustainable for long term objectives … whatever the objectives may be. Some of us want more friends, love, admiration, or perceived respect for having a squillion “friends”. Some of us want more business, more consciousness, more votes, or more peace of mind knowing that we are not all so different after all. The individual reasons we use social networks are as unique as our thumb print.

The worst thing that I see go wrong within social media is static noise. It is really common that people will pick up a huge number of “friends”, “followers”, “connections”, and etcetera, but then have absolutely no use for them, or value to them.

Have you ever sent something out there to your social networks and wondered how, with all of those so-called “friends” that it could possibly happen that none of them responded? Sure, it could be that you just said something so mundane and boring that staring at a blank sheet of paper would have been more exciting to them. This is usually not as likely as the possibility that they are overwhelmed with static from so many other people (their “friends”), that they totally forgot about adding you to their special list of people to give attention to.

Can you relate to this? I mean, have you ever found out that an old friend was sick, dying, or just had a fantastic day … or maybe just got the job promotion they so clearly deserved? Did you ever find out much later than you wish? I have, so I am certainly not pointing any fingers.

Sometimes life gets in the way, and we are surely each guilty of doing less than we could. The possible causes for the disconnection are numerous, but there are usually more reasons to reconnect with old friends. So, give it a try. What is the worst that could happen?

What is the Solution? Reconnect! … But How?

There are a lot of possible solutions to help avoid this tragedy of communications gone the way of static noise. Of course, there are a lot of great social media monitoring tools, but even with all the technology in the world, you still have to use them to get any benefit.

My suggestion today is that you take a little time to go through your list of friends, followers, and connections and try to reconnect with them. If they are somebody you found a particular interest in, or has shown an interest in you at some point, add them to a list or subscribe to their comments. Most social networks have the capability to create lists to help keep you in touch with people. Keep up with what they have to say. Let them know it, too. Interact, engage, communicate … you know, all of those things you used to do with them. Give them some feedback! If you have a blog, go back through some old comments and find out who used to always be there, but is less active than they once were. Do the same thing across other social media channels. Think about the people who provided some influence to you when you needed it. Bring them closer and don’t let the static get in the way.

If you feel like you have too much to keep up with, a little list-making effort will help you remain close to the ones you care about or respect the most. If you think really hard, I’ll bet there are some pretty great people who just slipped through the cracks of your everyday life. Reconnecting with these people and keeping them in a special list can be a huge help when struggling with all the static noise.

What do you think? Have you ever been let down, or let somebody else down just because their communication got lost in the static? Don’t be shy … be social! I have a comment form here on my blog, and it is there to connect and share. Tell others what you think, and if you have suggestions for managing relationships, by all means, share it!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download