I recently attended a school field trip with my second grade son, and I heard social media on the school bus. As the kids boarded the bus, the sound of 40 kids filled the air. The driver gave them some “noisy time” before we hit the road, and they took full advantage of it.
Each kid had something to say, and when they felt they were not being heard, they each became louder. It really was a lot like social media in this respect. Nobody was being heard any clearer at a higher volume than when they were quiet, and the distractions made communication even less effective.
Once we were on the road, the kids screamed with excitement with each bump in the street. It was social media’s equivalent of Apple launching a new iPhone that could make an endless supply of bacon magically materialize.
Mooooooo Said the Baby CalfThe parallels between the sound of kids and social media were numerous, but one that stood out was the kid who quietly raised his hand and asked for a teacher’s attention. He was the first to get the attention.
A few of the other kids learned that simply leaning close and speaking quietly was the best way to reach their intended audience. Then, if it was something really important or interesting, the message would spread across the bus, from one row of seats to the next. It actually worked as easy as that, and it formed a great picture of how social media works.
When everybody is making noise, sometimes all it takes is a well-placed whisper to make a greater impact than screaming into the masses.
The field trip was to a farm expo, where the kids learned about where their food comes from, and the many important tasks of farming. There were hundreds of kids attending from schools all across town. It was the responsibility of the volunteers and teachers to help them enjoy the trip, learn, and then deliver each of them back to the correct school.
Kids are very social creatures, and they love to mingle. Keeping our school’s group where they belonged, and holding their attention on the course was a bit like herding cats. The best way to reach them was often just as we had seen on the bus. Simply tapping them on the shoulder, giving them a bit of friendly instruction, and encouraging others to follow their example worked exceptionally well. The Field Trip Was Fun and Educational for All
By the time we returned to the school and disembarked, I realized that even as they grow up, some of them will understand the value of a well-placed whisper, and others will just keep trying to scream across the bus.
Some of the kids joined in with existing conversations, and added to them productively. They were given opportunities to communicate and share their perspectives. Sometimes the conversation even went right where they wanted it to.
Other kids screamed to create their own conversations, but a frequent outcome was that they only added to the noise. They were not talking about things the other kids wanted, and they were a distraction to the others as they tried to force their topic.
I hope you can see the similarities, and that you will be encouraged by the lessons of these second graders. For me, it emphasized that one is never too old to learn, nor too young to teach.
What do you think? Do you see how we can all learn from a second grader?
If you are one of those people who expect social media favors because somebody owes you something, just stop it! If you like something and find value in it, share it with others or do whatever it is that you do with good information. Just don’t assume that it means people owe you anything.
In business, and in life, reciprocity is a wonderful thing. It feels good to do business with people who do business with you, right? You have probably heard the old saying, “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”
A problem with reciprocity comes when people start doing things they would normally not do, only in hopes of demanding favors in return. It is nice to reciprocate, but this does not mean it is implied.
I received a message on LinkedIn yesterday that read as follows: “Hi. I liked ur PAGE through LINKEDIN GROUP. Expecting ur LIKE and SUPPORT.” I thought to myself, “Really? You liked my page in order to add to my number of people artificially interested in my work and you want me to do the same? Oh, and ‘SUPPORT?’ Does this mean you want me to feed your kids, too?” I guess I just didn’t see that as any kind of favor.
If you like what I do, and you think you could learn something from a guy with over 20 years of successful marketing experience, by all means, “Like” my Facebook page. If you think you have done me some great favor and I am going to do you a favor by liking your Facebook page which has absolutely no interest to me, you need me worse than you think!
Why would you have any desire whatsoever to have me “Like” your Facebook page if I will never, ever, be a customer or recommend you to anybody because you are a a demanding douchebag who expects something from me?
If You Like Me, Just Like Me, But Stop Expecting Favors!
Rather than to rewrite the whole thing, I want to share something I said in a previous article titled “Do You Tweet and Retweet Seeking Favors?” Here is the closely paraphrased version:
People in the social media field often build relationships in which they will work together to spread a message. As long as there is honesty and integrity in the message, I am generally happy to help. However, I have been hit over the head with some of this recently. It seems that I get a lot of requests to scratch somebody’s back. It is all fine and good to be reciprocal, but is it good to take away the human filter that makes us who we are?
If all I was doing was tweeting, retweeting, blogging, Facebooking, YouTubing, Digging, Stumbling, and etcetera, because I hoped people would return the favor, would people still care what I had to say? I do not imagine the answer is “yes”.
Reciprocity Has Its Place
Don’t get me wrong, reciprocity certainly has its place, but if you are doing things with expectations of others doing things for you in return, don’t you at least think it should be something meaningful or useful?
The only time I recall actually being a little hacked by lack of reciprocity was from a car dealer. Hell, I purchased three brand new Corvettes and a Cadillac Escalade (total cost over $240,000) from this guy in under a year’s time, and I sent him many new customers. When he went to somebody else for his web hosting because it was cheaper than my recommended $209 per year plan, I kind of thought that was a bad business decision. Then when he asked me about a new website and used my website proposal to shop around, I wanted to kick him in the nuts. Yeah, I kind of felt slapped in the face, but I will still buy a car from him based on the merits of his business … not mine!
I Did Not Buy These Just to Sell a Website!
In summary, don’t “Like” my Facebook, subscribe to my blog, follow me on Twitter, link to this page, kiss my butt with kind comments in my blog, or anything else of the sort if it is only because you want something. Do it because you know I am not full of crap and because you receive value from my hard work.
I may reciprocate, but not because I feel guilty if I don’t.
I have just one more thought for you, and it is what my wife said when I mentioned this subject to her. Here is another way to look at it, and a brilliantly performed song.
Note that since I wrote this, I have replaced the Bonnie Raitt version of the song. Apparently she stopped allowing her YouTube videos to be embedded in web pages. this guy performs it nicely, too!
Is This Transparency?Decorum is defined by Wikipedia as “Appropriate social behavior; propriety” or “A convention of social behavior”. Since it is a social topic, the standards of decorum are different depending on the social group. Yes, the people count, and what may seem completely innocent to you could be a great offense to another person with a different imposed expectation of decorum. It is more important than ever to be aware of the standards of decorum as it applies to your business, particularly due to the vast mingling of social media in business.
A lot of people talk about transparency in business these days. It is a really fantastic thing, but it can also backfire. I don’t just mean “backfire” like clients finding pictures of the CEO passed out with a couple of strippers. It can be a lot more subtle at times. Transparency and decorum in business does not just have to do with hiding things you want to hide and letting fly with things you want people to see about you. Transparency and business decorum meet when you present the person or company you really are, while also actually being what people expect and deserve of you.
Transparency and Business Decorum
So what about transparency? Some people think that transparency is the latest and greatest new invention, but some of us have always known the importance. Making transparency and decorum play nicely together is even more important.
When you walk into a doctor’s office, you expect to see people in scrubs and suits, behaving “properly”, but if you go to Hooters, you expect to see people wearing tight shirts and helping people get drunk. The same people can be found in either place, but there is an accelerating shift in the sense of what is proper.
I am clearly not the only person who has noticed changes in our world. What defines decorum today is not what defined it in times past. We see examples of business decorum changing all around us. Some of it we like, and some of it we despise. I like wearing blue jeans, and I don’t give a damn what my clients or peers wear. You see, there goes my decorum in a big wreck, but it matches who I am and also my readers’ expectation, which shows transparency. I am a creative geek who thinks stuff up. I am not the guy greeting people at a grand ball.
Business Decorum and Attire Are Not the Same Thing!
Business decorum and attire are not entirely the same thing, although attire is a part of decorum. Since it is an easy way to visualize, I’ll go with it. I am reminded of a funny thing I saw while I was speaking to a group of marketers a couple months ago. It was a great event, with over twenty speakers on different marketing topics. At the speaker’s reception afterward, I visited with Jamie Turner of Bennett Kuhn Varner, Inc.
Jamie gave a great talk about marketing. While we bellied up to the bar and prepared to answer questions about our respective talks, I joked with him that it looked like we were at a coroner’s convention. Everybody was wearing a dark suit, while Jaime and I were the only guys with enough good reasons to come in blue jeans and sport coats. We were the best dressed guys in the whole place by a long shot! Everybody else looked like the guy you saw when your sweet aunt Crystal passed away. Did our blue jeans and more relaxed attire make us less desirable to clients? If so, I suspect either of us would thumb our nose at a pretentious client without ability or sense to read into the numbers anyway. The real mystery is in who could see the market, and who grasped the shift in expected decorum. My bet is that if you walked into the same group of people in another city, you would see a different outfit on both attendees and speakers. We were on the front of the shift for Midwest USA.
That same night, I also saw attendees doing things that were so entirely opposite of the propriety their business suits suggest that I went back to my room and called my wife to remind her how much I love her. OK, here goes my decorum flying off the hook again when I say “Who is proper now, bitches?”
Decorum Guidelines Are Blurry Lines
I work in a very diverse group, in many cultures, and with many varying expectations. So, in my case, my clients know that I can be as prepared in marketing a medical supply manufacturer to hospitals as I am marketing burritos and beer bongs. That is just me. I am a quintessential marketing guy. I do what is best for my clients, while maintaining their transparency and business decorum at the same time. It is like magic how it all comes together, and I love this about my job. I am expected to be a little quirky and occasionally pop off with something unexpected and sound like I suffer from Tourette syndrome (shit). Yes, I am expected to be unexpected, but for many people and companies I would suggest: “Do not follow my example!”
Something I find astonishing is how often a client will be just as quirky and unexpected as me and do something totally stupid in their marketing. I can do it … I am supposed to! Unrestrained expectations of what works for one company automatically working for your company is like testing cyanide to see if it works. It is best to send it to a lab.
In reality, we are all collectively the ones who make decorum exactly what it is. It is a social standard that is bestowed upon us by those around us, and carried on by each of us. When there is a great disparity between your sense of decorum and that which people expect of you in business, you have the making of a marketing failure … or success. Knowing which way to go is where the lines are very blurry, and if you are not up to proper research, you could end up on the wrong side of the cyanide test.
Business Decorum Changes Over Time
Standards change, as they always have over time. It may happen too slowly to notice the change until you see extreme instances. The video below gives examples from a supreme court nomination floundering for smoking marijuana, President Clinton being teased, and then the rush for politicians to talk about their marijuana use. Today USA has a president who spoke to a group of high school kids about getting high and doing blow. That is change! It should also speak to the importance of transparency and decorum working together. Transparency for transparency alone can be very off-putting to many people.
The standards of decorum for one person may be completely repulsive to another. With enough exposure to a change of standards, the repulsion weakens, and we take a “since we can’t beat ’em, join ’em” approach. Considering this from a business standpoint, it can take a whole lot of branding to overcome and win people over. Sometimes this works, but sometimes you are better off to stop trying to beat your market and join them. First, you should know who you are, who they are, and what is proper in your instance.
Tell me what you think about the marriage of transparency and business decorum. That is why my blog has a comments form.
