relationships Archives by Mark Murnahan

Remember Who Your Friends Are … And What They Do, Too!

Everybody Needs Friends: Treat Them Right!

Do you remember who your friends are? If you care about them and respect them, why not consider how they earn a living? Times are hard for a lot of businesses, and it may mean more to them than you think. More than that, you may eventually regret going elsewhere … where they will appreciate you less.

I am reminded of a story of two friends, John and Mike. I introduced them many years ago. John was the number one real estate agent in town, and Mike was seeking to sell his house, and buy another. One day, Mike called John and asked him to evaluate his house for market, and make suggestions for improvements to increase the sale price.

John was glad for the call, and he offered his professional time and efforts to help Mike. A few days passed, and John discovered that Mike had listed the home for sale … but chose a different listing agent. As the top agent in town during a good time in real estate, John certainly did not need the commission, but was disappointed because he had wanted to assist our friend Mike in the sale, and subsequent purchase. Plus, he had been somewhat crudely taken advantage of professionally, by his friend.

John was a bit confused as to why his friend chose a different agent. He feared he had somehow offended Mike with the suggested listing price. No, Mike took his advice on the price. Was it the suggested improvements, the commission, the way he combed his hair? No, no, and no … the agent Mike listed with was a young sexy lady. Mike hoped he may have a chance with her, so he took all of John’s suggestions and listed the house elsewhere.

Once the house was sold and Mike was ready to buy his next house, he still overlooked John. He went with a different agent, again.

I really don’t think John ever felt the same about Mike after that. Whether it is right or wrong, I can understand how John could feel insulted. After all, he would have done the sale transaction and the purchase transaction for his friend, without a commission at all. Ironically, Mike had done a similar thing to me, years earlier, and he was on his way to building a reputation for it.

I am certainly not a fan of implied reciprocity (as you can see if you read that link), but you can probably imagine (or remember) how it feels when a friend overlooks you and buys from your competitor, right? It actually kind of stinks, and it is easy to take it as an insult. It also feels even worse when the friend is hurt by a competitor, when you know you could have saved them the trouble. No, it does not feel satisfying … is stinks!

Have you ever witnessed a friend go somewhere else when they needed something? I have heard speculation about the mindset, but I refuse to understand it or adopt it for my own use. I know that some people think you shouldn’t do business with friends, but I think that is largely a horrible attitude.

I will always try my best to give my business to a friend or acquaintance above a stranger. They may really appreciate that you thought of them, and they may really appreciate the business.

Now I’ll tell you what got me to thinking about this.

What Reminded Me of This?

I recently had a friend ask me if I knew a good option for web hosting. Now, when I say “friend”, I don’t mean just a random acquaintance on Twitter. She has sat at my bar for drinks, she co-chaired a school fundraiser with me, and we have celebrated kids birthdays together. She has sat in my office, and she has even seen and touched the corporate YourNew.com, Inc. Race Team Corvettes. She has also been my friend on Facebook for years. So, I know she knows I do something “Internetty”, and she knows I do it very well. She knows I know a lot about this Internet, so she asked me about web hosting.

The sad thing is that she didn’t really know much about what I actually do, or just how much I am able to help her. It bothered me, but mostly because of how I could benefit her, rather than that her business would pay me a dollar or two per month. That’s why I decided that I am going to start letting more people know.

I know that a lot of people who know me don’t really know or understand my work. I do more than a couple things here on this Internet, but I don’t really promote them very much. It’s mostly kind of an “obvious secret”, in a way, because the majority of my work is operating as “the geek behind the geeks”. I generally don’t promote my services to a retail market, or to friends.

You see, aside from my work as a marketing guy, I founded a company sometime over a decade ago, as a merger of two other companies. That company sells Internet services to wholesale clients … who often sell those same services to resellers, who sell them to the public. We’ve been very successful at that market segment, and retail sales are a minimal part of what we do.

We sell web hosting to web hosting companies. You knew it had to come from somewhere, right? In fact, if you have used the Internet very long, there is a very high probability that you have used services I have created or brokered. The company is still my full-time employer after all these years, and I work there as the CEO.

So, why don’t I promote that to my blog readers? It is mostly because I have enough search engine traffic and recognition in that specific area of the industry that it is just a distraction to what I do here at aWebGuy.com. In any case, if you are in need of any of the many Internet-related services we provide, I’m always happy to help … I am just not out to push those on you. In fact, you may even see Google ads for my competitors right here on my blog. It’s ironic, right? 😉

Let Me Show You Why I Have a Reputation

I want to show you why I have a good reputation in my industry. I’m going to start with this: If you have been a reader for a while, you probably have some sense of who I am. You may even know a good amount about my principles and my ethics. You can probably tell that this is not some big scam waiting to suck you in.

Today, I have decided to offer web hosting to my readers and friends at a rate of $10 per month, or $5 per month for ten or more websites. I was going to say free, but come on … having a guy to call who really knows his stuff has got to be worth something, right? I’m not just offering basic web hosting, either. I will include the same web hosting system that is used here at aWebGuy.com … which clearly exceeds an average demand when it comes to web hosting. I’ll even include all the bells and whistles like website builders, ecommerce tools, plenty of email, and support for about any technology you can dream up … just ask me.

Better yet, I will provide your web hosting technical support, myself. Sure, I will have my tech support folks waiting in the wings in case you encounter something really pressing and I am in the shower or otherwise cannot take your call … but I will be the live voice at the other end of the line if you need web hosting help. How many CEOs do you know who will do that? I’ll bet that “Daddy” guy won’t take your call on his way to pick the kids up at school.

In fact, to take me up on this offer, I want you to contact me directly, and I will personally help you to set up your account and walk you through the basics. Now that doesn’t sound like such a scary offer, does it?

The one caveat is that you subscribe to my blog and keep reading to learn more about how to use that web hosting to build your business. If you are a subscriber, just ring me up and introduce yourself. I’ll be delighted to help you.

If you need web hosting, or you need better web hosting, contact me. I’ve provided web hosting for over a decade, including many websites you know and trust. Maybe even your bank, your city, your hospital, or your university. It’s better to trust somebody you are familiar with than trusting a total stranger.

I also want to add that if you know somebody else in the industry … by all means, call them! I really do believe it is valuable to do business with people you know and trust. I think it is always important to know who your friends are, know what they do, and remember them when they can help.

Oh, and one more thing … this is just for new web hosting accounts. I can’t just give away the whole farm. If you are already paying me more, I’m confident there’s a good reason for it. 😀

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Don’t Mix Business and Personal Relationships?

There is a mentality which some people and companies have about mixing personal and business relationships that paints an unfavorable picture of this combination. Mixing business and personal life has frequently been viewed as a mistake for businesspeople. The problem is that “businesspeople”, and even the term itself, implies something other than “people”.

Who do you do business with? If you encounter somebody in a given business setting who is less than personal toward you, do you look for somebody else who will appreciate your business more? I do, because I like to do business with people I like, and trust … and who like and/or respect me, too. An impersonal approach is personally appalling to me, and I think it fails at all levels.

Prices don’t get in the way, because if I don’t like somebody, I will walk away even if they are offering a huge discount. Even product quality takes a back seat to trust and comfort in my purchase decisions. The numbers show me that I am not alone with this, and that millions of people feel the same way.

A Fading Business Mentality of the 1900’s

A former mentality of the business world was that of huge separation between business and relationships. The prevailing thinking was that business is done in boardrooms or storefronts, and personal relationships happen someplace else, away from company turf. It failed, and it did so with such a force that it spread throughout the world.

This mentality is more apparent in business-to-consumer industries, but it has also strangled a lot of business-to-business industries. In either case, it simply doesn’t work well.

Why has it changed? It was not because of some miracle invention we call “social media“. It has changed because companies finally started realizing that they were doing it all wrong! Customers didn’t change. They have understood mixing business and friendship for thousands of years … since trading grains for meat, or gold for salt. It was the business world that strayed from good business practices.

Who Separated Business from Friendship?

A sizable part of the blame for separation of business and personal relationships can be attributed to changes in the advertising industry. As television and radio ads were new, companies found it extremely easy to buy people’s attention. It created a lot of brand recognition for some companies, and people soaked it all in while they waited for the show to return … “after these messages from our sponsors.”

Note: This is opinion mixed with observation and research, and you are welcome to rebut this.

It became commonplace to sit through commercials for everything from soup to nuts. Then, after some glory years, consumers fought back with tools like the Internet to find new things, DVRs to speed through commercials, email spam filters to squelch the noise, popup blockers to say “Shut Up”, and etcetera. We created and discovered choices, and then we realized huge empowerment.

Consumers gained more choices than ever, but with choices came hazards. Cons, crooks, deadbeats, and snake oil sales made a resurgence. The trusted brands were not our only options, and armed villains were not the only ones stealing our money.

Transitioning Away from a Bad Business Ideology

As business continues to transition back to people-focused and consumer-oriented thinking, the reliable and trustworthy choices have slowly narrowed. Now many consumers rely on those good old brands we remember (and trust just because we remember them), and the people who earn their reputation with us as friends, friends of friends, and etcetera. Yes, “word of mouth” marketing (including Facebook, Twitter, and etcetera) has grown in value at rates even faster than television, radio, print, and other one-way interruption marketing lost value.

This is not all fixed to perfection yet, but many companies have noticed the obvious shortcomings from separation of business and relationships. Those companies have adapted well to social media, and they already understand people’s motivations, and what makes them comfortable. Others still struggle with the fundamental basics of how and why people prefer to do business with people, rather than businesses.

So, I must ask, what do you see in your everyday life, as a consumer? What do you see within your own business dealings? Do you see it the same as a consumer as you do in your business? If you see a disparity, perhaps you are still using 1900’s style business ideology, and trying too hard to make a separation between business and relationships.

My Summary of Business and Personal Mixing

Some say “Don’t mix business and personal”, but I say “Don’t mix 1900’s ideology with 2000’s customer expectations!” Here is some of my personal/business experience. You can skip it if you like. Maybe I am wrong, but I also invite your input.

I met a woman (via social media) and we merged companies in 2000. She later became my wife and the mother of our three children. Now we own more companies. Prior to that, my business partnerships included many dear friends with whom I communicate frequently, and will attend my funeral (and even cry). In my earlier days, my business partners were my parents.

Sure, some things can go wrong with mixing business and personal relationships. That is usually because of two things … misdirected passion (but it is still passion) and lack of good communication. This does not mean it is acceptable to make a business into a faceless monster without personality, or to even diminish the mix of business and personal relationships in the least.

The good news is that when you have stronger relationships, you are far more likely to hear feedback from others … both positive and negative. Think of the potential benefits of that!

Many of my best clients are close friends, and I have always relied on the “old fashioned” approach of doing business as a person and not as a business. They may come to me as clients, but if we can’t have a good relationship, I would rather find different clients.

We work together, and we have fun together. I have been there to counsel them through death of spouses, treacherous divorces, emotional weddings, joyous graduations, and more. I have held countless parties to honor and celebrate my clients/friends. I have rented whole floors of large hotels, sent limousines, and done everything I can for and with these friends.

They are not my friends because I earned them millions of dollars, nor because they have paid me millions of dollars. Here is what I have discovered: Even when business is what introduces us, the business results from a relationship, and seldom if ever the other way around.

Photo Credit: Structo Cement Mixer by puuikibeach via Flickr

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Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Etc.: All Those Friends and Now What?

Making friends is fun. Some of them just touch us for a moment, and some of them last a lifetime. Social media has changed a lot of our communications, and sometimes for the better. Usually it is for the better, but not always.

Over the past decade and a half or so, I have acquired a lot of contacts online. I try to keep a sense of closeness with them, and I still enjoy the friendship of many old friends from the once-popular AOL and Yahoo! social networks. In fact, one in particular stands out. We met ten years ago and became close as members of a Yahoo! chat group that got together every Friday night. We were married eight and a half years ago, built multiple successful companies together, and have three darling children now. A sad and frightening thought that occurs to me is whether with today’s astonishing level of social media static and frenzy to reach so many people, whether she would have even heard me.

What Happens When Social Media Gets Too Noisy?

I really care about my social networks, and they bring a lot into my life. I enjoy reconnecting with old friends from way back, and reminiscing about our crazy times as kids. I enjoy the many business relationships that I have built through social networking. I enjoy meeting new people who can make hot coffee shoot from my nose as I laugh at their uncanny wit, or who make me feel more love and compassion with stories of their lives. I suspect that you can relate to this on some level.

There is scarcely a day when I do not receive something that I hold dear, if only for a moment, that has come to me by way of my social networks. I think this is true for many of us, or otherwise social networks would likely lose much of their audience. We would lose much of our audience of friends who bring smiles with their presence.

In the past few years, the world has created a lot of “friends”, “followers”, “connections”, and etcetera. I guess that made it feel cozier when we call people “friends”, even if they are just another random person willing to check out our lives in exchange for checking out their lives. After all, by having “friends”, it is pretty easy to feel as if people like you, or at least pay attention to you. They express it every time they “like”, “comment”, “share”, “retweet”, and etcetera.

Social media satisfies our need to connect with others. Sometimes it just satisfies our need to be heard. It makes us feel popular, and it validates us. It is often something emotional, even for those who do not acknowledge it as emotion. We each want to connect on some level, and social media does that for us. It lets us collaborate, connect, share, and feel a sense of togetherness that is otherwise unlikely or impossible through pre-Internet channels. It is usually just fine, but if you are not diligent and attentive with social media, it can all begin to sound like static.

How Could Social Networking Possibly Go Wrong?

My short answer to how social networking can go wrong is that it can go wrong in more ways than it can go right. Perhaps the worst of all is a sense of static noise from having so many people trying to communicate with you, and not having an orderly way to keep the static down and let the important information through.

I am not saying that there is a defined “right way” and “wrong way” to enjoy your social media. What I am saying is that it is really easy to overlook the things which make it more fun, productive, and sustainable for long term objectives … whatever the objectives may be. Some of us want more friends, love, admiration, or perceived respect for having a squillion “friends”. Some of us want more business, more consciousness, more votes, or more peace of mind knowing that we are not all so different after all. The individual reasons we use social networks are as unique as our thumb print.

The worst thing that I see go wrong within social media is static noise. It is really common that people will pick up a huge number of “friends”, “followers”, “connections”, and etcetera, but then have absolutely no use for them, or value to them.

Have you ever sent something out there to your social networks and wondered how, with all of those so-called “friends” that it could possibly happen that none of them responded? Sure, it could be that you just said something so mundane and boring that staring at a blank sheet of paper would have been more exciting to them. This is usually not as likely as the possibility that they are overwhelmed with static from so many other people (their “friends”), that they totally forgot about adding you to their special list of people to give attention to.

Can you relate to this? I mean, have you ever found out that an old friend was sick, dying, or just had a fantastic day … or maybe just got the job promotion they so clearly deserved? Did you ever find out much later than you wish? I have, so I am certainly not pointing any fingers.

Sometimes life gets in the way, and we are surely each guilty of doing less than we could. The possible causes for the disconnection are numerous, but there are usually more reasons to reconnect with old friends. So, give it a try. What is the worst that could happen?

What is the Solution? Reconnect! … But How?

There are a lot of possible solutions to help avoid this tragedy of communications gone the way of static noise. Of course, there are a lot of great social media monitoring tools, but even with all the technology in the world, you still have to use them to get any benefit.

My suggestion today is that you take a little time to go through your list of friends, followers, and connections and try to reconnect with them. If they are somebody you found a particular interest in, or has shown an interest in you at some point, add them to a list or subscribe to their comments. Most social networks have the capability to create lists to help keep you in touch with people. Keep up with what they have to say. Let them know it, too. Interact, engage, communicate … you know, all of those things you used to do with them. Give them some feedback! If you have a blog, go back through some old comments and find out who used to always be there, but is less active than they once were. Do the same thing across other social media channels. Think about the people who provided some influence to you when you needed it. Bring them closer and don’t let the static get in the way.

If you feel like you have too much to keep up with, a little list-making effort will help you remain close to the ones you care about or respect the most. If you think really hard, I’ll bet there are some pretty great people who just slipped through the cracks of your everyday life. Reconnecting with these people and keeping them in a special list can be a huge help when struggling with all the static noise.

What do you think? Have you ever been let down, or let somebody else down just because their communication got lost in the static? Don’t be shy … be social! I have a comment form here on my blog, and it is there to connect and share. Tell others what you think, and if you have suggestions for managing relationships, by all means, share it!

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