relationship marketing Archives by Mark Murnahan

Remember Who Your Friends Are … And What They Do, Too!

Everybody Needs Friends: Treat Them Right!

Do you remember who your friends are? If you care about them and respect them, why not consider how they earn a living? Times are hard for a lot of businesses, and it may mean more to them than you think. More than that, you may eventually regret going elsewhere … where they will appreciate you less.

I am reminded of a story of two friends, John and Mike. I introduced them many years ago. John was the number one real estate agent in town, and Mike was seeking to sell his house, and buy another. One day, Mike called John and asked him to evaluate his house for market, and make suggestions for improvements to increase the sale price.

John was glad for the call, and he offered his professional time and efforts to help Mike. A few days passed, and John discovered that Mike had listed the home for sale … but chose a different listing agent. As the top agent in town during a good time in real estate, John certainly did not need the commission, but was disappointed because he had wanted to assist our friend Mike in the sale, and subsequent purchase. Plus, he had been somewhat crudely taken advantage of professionally, by his friend.

John was a bit confused as to why his friend chose a different agent. He feared he had somehow offended Mike with the suggested listing price. No, Mike took his advice on the price. Was it the suggested improvements, the commission, the way he combed his hair? No, no, and no … the agent Mike listed with was a young sexy lady. Mike hoped he may have a chance with her, so he took all of John’s suggestions and listed the house elsewhere.

Once the house was sold and Mike was ready to buy his next house, he still overlooked John. He went with a different agent, again.

I really don’t think John ever felt the same about Mike after that. Whether it is right or wrong, I can understand how John could feel insulted. After all, he would have done the sale transaction and the purchase transaction for his friend, without a commission at all. Ironically, Mike had done a similar thing to me, years earlier, and he was on his way to building a reputation for it.

I am certainly not a fan of implied reciprocity (as you can see if you read that link), but you can probably imagine (or remember) how it feels when a friend overlooks you and buys from your competitor, right? It actually kind of stinks, and it is easy to take it as an insult. It also feels even worse when the friend is hurt by a competitor, when you know you could have saved them the trouble. No, it does not feel satisfying … is stinks!

Have you ever witnessed a friend go somewhere else when they needed something? I have heard speculation about the mindset, but I refuse to understand it or adopt it for my own use. I know that some people think you shouldn’t do business with friends, but I think that is largely a horrible attitude.

I will always try my best to give my business to a friend or acquaintance above a stranger. They may really appreciate that you thought of them, and they may really appreciate the business.

Now I’ll tell you what got me to thinking about this.

What Reminded Me of This?

I recently had a friend ask me if I knew a good option for web hosting. Now, when I say “friend”, I don’t mean just a random acquaintance on Twitter. She has sat at my bar for drinks, she co-chaired a school fundraiser with me, and we have celebrated kids birthdays together. She has sat in my office, and she has even seen and touched the corporate YourNew.com, Inc. Race Team Corvettes. She has also been my friend on Facebook for years. So, I know she knows I do something “Internetty”, and she knows I do it very well. She knows I know a lot about this Internet, so she asked me about web hosting.

The sad thing is that she didn’t really know much about what I actually do, or just how much I am able to help her. It bothered me, but mostly because of how I could benefit her, rather than that her business would pay me a dollar or two per month. That’s why I decided that I am going to start letting more people know.

I know that a lot of people who know me don’t really know or understand my work. I do more than a couple things here on this Internet, but I don’t really promote them very much. It’s mostly kind of an “obvious secret”, in a way, because the majority of my work is operating as “the geek behind the geeks”. I generally don’t promote my services to a retail market, or to friends.

You see, aside from my work as a marketing guy, I founded a company sometime over a decade ago, as a merger of two other companies. That company sells Internet services to wholesale clients … who often sell those same services to resellers, who sell them to the public. We’ve been very successful at that market segment, and retail sales are a minimal part of what we do.

We sell web hosting to web hosting companies. You knew it had to come from somewhere, right? In fact, if you have used the Internet very long, there is a very high probability that you have used services I have created or brokered. The company is still my full-time employer after all these years, and I work there as the CEO.

So, why don’t I promote that to my blog readers? It is mostly because I have enough search engine traffic and recognition in that specific area of the industry that it is just a distraction to what I do here at aWebGuy.com. In any case, if you are in need of any of the many Internet-related services we provide, I’m always happy to help … I am just not out to push those on you. In fact, you may even see Google ads for my competitors right here on my blog. It’s ironic, right? 😉

Let Me Show You Why I Have a Reputation

I want to show you why I have a good reputation in my industry. I’m going to start with this: If you have been a reader for a while, you probably have some sense of who I am. You may even know a good amount about my principles and my ethics. You can probably tell that this is not some big scam waiting to suck you in.

Today, I have decided to offer web hosting to my readers and friends at a rate of $10 per month, or $5 per month for ten or more websites. I was going to say free, but come on … having a guy to call who really knows his stuff has got to be worth something, right? I’m not just offering basic web hosting, either. I will include the same web hosting system that is used here at aWebGuy.com … which clearly exceeds an average demand when it comes to web hosting. I’ll even include all the bells and whistles like website builders, ecommerce tools, plenty of email, and support for about any technology you can dream up … just ask me.

Better yet, I will provide your web hosting technical support, myself. Sure, I will have my tech support folks waiting in the wings in case you encounter something really pressing and I am in the shower or otherwise cannot take your call … but I will be the live voice at the other end of the line if you need web hosting help. How many CEOs do you know who will do that? I’ll bet that “Daddy” guy won’t take your call on his way to pick the kids up at school.

In fact, to take me up on this offer, I want you to contact me directly, and I will personally help you to set up your account and walk you through the basics. Now that doesn’t sound like such a scary offer, does it?

The one caveat is that you subscribe to my blog and keep reading to learn more about how to use that web hosting to build your business. If you are a subscriber, just ring me up and introduce yourself. I’ll be delighted to help you.

If you need web hosting, or you need better web hosting, contact me. I’ve provided web hosting for over a decade, including many websites you know and trust. Maybe even your bank, your city, your hospital, or your university. It’s better to trust somebody you are familiar with than trusting a total stranger.

I also want to add that if you know somebody else in the industry … by all means, call them! I really do believe it is valuable to do business with people you know and trust. I think it is always important to know who your friends are, know what they do, and remember them when they can help.

Oh, and one more thing … this is just for new web hosting accounts. I can’t just give away the whole farm. If you are already paying me more, I’m confident there’s a good reason for it. 😀

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Social Media Compared to Kids on a Field Trip

I recently attended a school field trip with my second grade son, and I heard social media on the school bus. As the kids boarded the bus, the sound of 40 kids filled the air. The driver gave them some “noisy time” before we hit the road, and they took full advantage of it.

Each kid had something to say, and when they felt they were not being heard, they each became louder. It really was a lot like social media in this respect. Nobody was being heard any clearer at a higher volume than when they were quiet, and the distractions made communication even less effective.

Once we were on the road, the kids screamed with excitement with each bump in the street. It was social media’s equivalent of Apple launching a new iPhone that could make an endless supply of bacon magically materialize.

The parallels between the sound of kids and social media were numerous, but one that stood out was the kid who quietly raised his hand and asked for a teacher’s attention. He was the first to get the attention.

A few of the other kids learned that simply leaning close and speaking quietly was the best way to reach their intended audience. Then, if it was something really important or interesting, the message would spread across the bus, from one row of seats to the next. It actually worked as easy as that, and it formed a great picture of how social media works.

When everybody is making noise, sometimes all it takes is a well-placed whisper to make a greater impact than screaming into the masses.

The field trip was to a farm expo, where the kids learned about where their food comes from, and the many important tasks of farming. There were hundreds of kids attending from schools all across town. It was the responsibility of the volunteers and teachers to help them enjoy the trip, learn, and then deliver each of them back to the correct school.

Kids are very social creatures, and they love to mingle. Keeping our school’s group where they belonged, and holding their attention on the course was a bit like herding cats. The best way to reach them was often just as we had seen on the bus. Simply tapping them on the shoulder, giving them a bit of friendly instruction, and encouraging others to follow their example worked exceptionally well.

The Field Trip Was Fun and Educational for All

By the time we returned to the school and disembarked, I realized that even as they grow up, some of them will understand the value of a well-placed whisper, and others will just keep trying to scream across the bus.

Some of the kids joined in with existing conversations, and added to them productively. They were given opportunities to communicate and share their perspectives. Sometimes the conversation even went right where they wanted it to.

Other kids screamed to create their own conversations, but a frequent outcome was that they only added to the noise. They were not talking about things the other kids wanted, and they were a distraction to the others as they tried to force their topic.

I hope you can see the similarities, and that you will be encouraged by the lessons of these second graders. For me, it emphasized that one is never too old to learn, nor too young to teach.

What do you think? Do you see how we can all learn from a second grader?

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Make it Harder to Leave, But Increase the Odds That You Will

I was just looking at my lawn, and it inspired me. Yes, it sounds silly, but hear me out. I will tell you a story, and maybe even plant a seed or two about getting the most from your life … starting now!

I want to pose a thought of how one of the famously noted “Seven Deadly Sins” can be effectively used, in moderation, to improve your business and personal life.

This is a story of taking inventory of life and business, and I hope you will use it for your benefit. First, I will explain why I took a closer inventory in my front yard this morning.

Back in late 2008, I became a reluctant participant of this thing we have called “economic recession”. Yeah, I am one of those CEO fellas who screwed up the whole economy. I was whacked hard and fast when multiple of my suppliers laid off thousands of employees and dropped some of the services I provided to customers. It was not anything within my control, and not my fault at all. A lot of jobs were lost, and a lot of pay cuts were handed down. Being heavily invested in my company, I took the biggest hit. In fact, I accepted it with pride, because I helped a lot of other people’s ships sink much slower.

Before the untimely meltdown, I lived in a very unique way. I was sitting pretty, just months from a young retirement. I enjoyed an amazing family life, with everything set to focus on being a full-time husband, daddy, and race car driver.

I pranced around in a custom built home with 5,000 square feet, that was perfectly ready to fill with babies. I enjoyed new Corvettes, Hummers, Jaguars, Escalades, fancy artwork, custom motorcycles, limousines, first class vacations, kickass clothes, and … you know, the whole ten yards. Sure, the common saying is “the whole nine yards“, but I added a few feet. Heck, I didn’t need credit, but I still found some good reasons to send over $50,000 per month to credit card companies. Yeah, I know … fifty grand per month … insane, right?!

I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I was living large, but not because I was living large. I did a fine job, and I became helpful to a lot of people. I turned out far better than my teachers expected when I left school for the last time at 15 years old. I had come a long way from the challenges of my youth. That feeling of pride was what got me moving, and kept me working harder. Yes, feelings of pride really can create a lot of drive in a person … keep reading.

In the big shuffle, I realized that there was a huge emotional backlash. It made things a lot more stressful, and I started losing the happy-go-lucky skip in my step. I was working more hours than before, and even more than in the earliest years of my company.

Something I saw then, and work hard to see each day, is possibility. I saw the possibility to grow, learn, and do more. I even took the initiative to write a few books, and a squillion blog posts about good marketing.

So, let me tell you something I learned along the way, and that I revisited this morning.

How You Feel Means a Lot!

I have observed that an incredible amount of potential comes from feeling good about yourself and the things you do. Sure, there is a list out there of “Seven Deadly Sins“, but I think one of them is a tool which is instrumental for success, if used in moderation. The one I considered early this morning as I looked at my lawn before the sun came up is “Pride”.

Feeling proud of yourself, your products or services, and who you are can create monumental changes in your life. Knowing that you are doing good things for good reasons helps your subconscious mind to discover ways to keep doing it, and doing it better. Feeling good, and being positive is not just some silly hype that motivational speakers sell. It really does matter, and this is something I want you to think about.

I moved to a smaller home in 2010, and I cut back on the fancy lifestyle. Although some would still call me “Mr. Fancy Pants”, my pants are not nearly as fancy as they once were. I used wisdom, and some regret, while downsizing my life during the recession. There were many things, like my racing career, that took a back seat. A lot changed, and in case you ever wondered, you are not alone if you saw some changes, too.

Even after those changes, I still have a fantastic life in many ways. I have a wife and three kids who give me great pride. I am better at my job than ever, and I feel very proud of what I do to help businesses grow their market.

It may seem absolutely silly to you, but something that got me to thinking about this is looking at my lawn as the seeds I recently planted begin to sprout and turn green. It was a matter of pride that inspired me to plant that new seed this spring. I decided that even in a smaller home, with a smaller yard, I still wanted to make my scaled-down piece of awesomeness a bit harder to leave when it comes time.

Yes, I actually did stand in my driveway this early morning, look back toward my home, and realize something very cool that I feel is worth telling you. As uncomfortable as it may sound, I’ll bet you have some seeds to plant as well.

My Questions to You:

This “lawn moment” of mine really made me wonder about you, and what you are doing, and how you feel. So, I have some questions for you, and I hope you are not too chicken to answer them … at least to yourself.

What has given you pride in your life or your business that has been neglected, and that you could resurrect?
What little things will you notice today which inspire you?
What “seeds” can you plant to help bring you closer to things you want?
What seeds are you planting today?

Yes, this is still a blog about marketing, so don’t get confused. If your answers to these questions have anything to do with growing your business, I want to remind you that the best time to sow a seed is long before you want the plant. Don’t let fear or lack of pride get between you and a greener lawn. Take pride in your work, and spread it with others around you. People really will notice, whether it is a boss, an employee, or a customer … when you have true and sincere pride, it will show.

Waiting for greener pastures, or looking over the fence at the neighbor’s grass will not help unless you are prepared to get started now!

That’s my marketing message for today. Just as I said in the title: “Make it Harder to Leave, But Increase the Odds That You Will”. I am doing that with my home today, just as I do with my business. I may soon leave here and move on to bigger and better things, but if I don’t make it a little harder to leave, and nicer to remember, then I am not doing all that I can!

Are you doing all that you can?

I hope that you will reflect on this with sincerity, and if you know somebody who can benefit from taking a better personal and/or business inventory, do them a favor and share it with them.

Photo Credit: Grass by Ian T. McFarland via Flickr

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Don’t Mix Business and Personal Relationships?

There is a mentality which some people and companies have about mixing personal and business relationships that paints an unfavorable picture of this combination. Mixing business and personal life has frequently been viewed as a mistake for businesspeople. The problem is that “businesspeople”, and even the term itself, implies something other than “people”.

Who do you do business with? If you encounter somebody in a given business setting who is less than personal toward you, do you look for somebody else who will appreciate your business more? I do, because I like to do business with people I like, and trust … and who like and/or respect me, too. An impersonal approach is personally appalling to me, and I think it fails at all levels.

Prices don’t get in the way, because if I don’t like somebody, I will walk away even if they are offering a huge discount. Even product quality takes a back seat to trust and comfort in my purchase decisions. The numbers show me that I am not alone with this, and that millions of people feel the same way.

A Fading Business Mentality of the 1900’s

A former mentality of the business world was that of huge separation between business and relationships. The prevailing thinking was that business is done in boardrooms or storefronts, and personal relationships happen someplace else, away from company turf. It failed, and it did so with such a force that it spread throughout the world.

This mentality is more apparent in business-to-consumer industries, but it has also strangled a lot of business-to-business industries. In either case, it simply doesn’t work well.

Why has it changed? It was not because of some miracle invention we call “social media“. It has changed because companies finally started realizing that they were doing it all wrong! Customers didn’t change. They have understood mixing business and friendship for thousands of years … since trading grains for meat, or gold for salt. It was the business world that strayed from good business practices.

Who Separated Business from Friendship?

A sizable part of the blame for separation of business and personal relationships can be attributed to changes in the advertising industry. As television and radio ads were new, companies found it extremely easy to buy people’s attention. It created a lot of brand recognition for some companies, and people soaked it all in while they waited for the show to return … “after these messages from our sponsors.”

Note: This is opinion mixed with observation and research, and you are welcome to rebut this.

It became commonplace to sit through commercials for everything from soup to nuts. Then, after some glory years, consumers fought back with tools like the Internet to find new things, DVRs to speed through commercials, email spam filters to squelch the noise, popup blockers to say “Shut Up”, and etcetera. We created and discovered choices, and then we realized huge empowerment.

Consumers gained more choices than ever, but with choices came hazards. Cons, crooks, deadbeats, and snake oil sales made a resurgence. The trusted brands were not our only options, and armed villains were not the only ones stealing our money.

Transitioning Away from a Bad Business Ideology

As business continues to transition back to people-focused and consumer-oriented thinking, the reliable and trustworthy choices have slowly narrowed. Now many consumers rely on those good old brands we remember (and trust just because we remember them), and the people who earn their reputation with us as friends, friends of friends, and etcetera. Yes, “word of mouth” marketing (including Facebook, Twitter, and etcetera) has grown in value at rates even faster than television, radio, print, and other one-way interruption marketing lost value.

This is not all fixed to perfection yet, but many companies have noticed the obvious shortcomings from separation of business and relationships. Those companies have adapted well to social media, and they already understand people’s motivations, and what makes them comfortable. Others still struggle with the fundamental basics of how and why people prefer to do business with people, rather than businesses.

So, I must ask, what do you see in your everyday life, as a consumer? What do you see within your own business dealings? Do you see it the same as a consumer as you do in your business? If you see a disparity, perhaps you are still using 1900’s style business ideology, and trying too hard to make a separation between business and relationships.

My Summary of Business and Personal Mixing

Some say “Don’t mix business and personal”, but I say “Don’t mix 1900’s ideology with 2000’s customer expectations!” Here is some of my personal/business experience. You can skip it if you like. Maybe I am wrong, but I also invite your input.

I met a woman (via social media) and we merged companies in 2000. She later became my wife and the mother of our three children. Now we own more companies. Prior to that, my business partnerships included many dear friends with whom I communicate frequently, and will attend my funeral (and even cry). In my earlier days, my business partners were my parents.

Sure, some things can go wrong with mixing business and personal relationships. That is usually because of two things … misdirected passion (but it is still passion) and lack of good communication. This does not mean it is acceptable to make a business into a faceless monster without personality, or to even diminish the mix of business and personal relationships in the least.

The good news is that when you have stronger relationships, you are far more likely to hear feedback from others … both positive and negative. Think of the potential benefits of that!

Many of my best clients are close friends, and I have always relied on the “old fashioned” approach of doing business as a person and not as a business. They may come to me as clients, but if we can’t have a good relationship, I would rather find different clients.

We work together, and we have fun together. I have been there to counsel them through death of spouses, treacherous divorces, emotional weddings, joyous graduations, and more. I have held countless parties to honor and celebrate my clients/friends. I have rented whole floors of large hotels, sent limousines, and done everything I can for and with these friends.

They are not my friends because I earned them millions of dollars, nor because they have paid me millions of dollars. Here is what I have discovered: Even when business is what introduces us, the business results from a relationship, and seldom if ever the other way around.

Photo Credit: Structo Cement Mixer by puuikibeach via Flickr

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Social Media and The Absurdity of Implied Reciprocity

If you are one of those people who expect social media favors because somebody owes you something, just stop it! If you like something and find value in it, share it with others or do whatever it is that you do with good information. Just don’t assume that it means people owe you anything.

In business, and in life, reciprocity is a wonderful thing. It feels good to do business with people who do business with you, right? You have probably heard the old saying, “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”

A problem with reciprocity comes when people start doing things they would normally not do, only in hopes of demanding favors in return. It is nice to reciprocate, but this does not mean it is implied.

I received a message on LinkedIn yesterday that read as follows: “Hi. I liked ur PAGE through LINKEDIN GROUP. Expecting ur LIKE and SUPPORT.” I thought to myself, “Really? You liked my page in order to add to my number of people artificially interested in my work and you want me to do the same? Oh, and ‘SUPPORT?’ Does this mean you want me to feed your kids, too?” I guess I just didn’t see that as any kind of favor.

If you like what I do, and you think you could learn something from a guy with over 20 years of successful marketing experience, by all means, “Like” my Facebook page. If you think you have done me some great favor and I am going to do you a favor by liking your Facebook page which has absolutely no interest to me, you need me worse than you think!

Why would you have any desire whatsoever to have me “Like” your Facebook page if I will never, ever, be a customer or recommend you to anybody because you are a a demanding douchebag who expects something from me?

If You Like Me, Just Like Me, But Stop Expecting Favors!

Rather than to rewrite the whole thing, I want to share something I said in a previous article titled “Do You Tweet and Retweet Seeking Favors?” Here is the closely paraphrased version:

People in the social media field often build relationships in which they will work together to spread a message. As long as there is honesty and integrity in the message, I am generally happy to help. However, I have been hit over the head with some of this recently. It seems that I get a lot of requests to scratch somebody’s back. It is all fine and good to be reciprocal, but is it good to take away the human filter that makes us who we are?

If all I was doing was tweeting, retweeting, blogging, Facebooking, YouTubing, Digging, Stumbling, and etcetera, because I hoped people would return the favor, would people still care what I had to say? I do not imagine the answer is “yes”.

Reciprocity Has Its Place

Don’t get me wrong, reciprocity certainly has its place, but if you are doing things with expectations of others doing things for you in return, don’t you at least think it should be something meaningful or useful?

The only time I recall actually being a little hacked by lack of reciprocity was from a car dealer. Hell, I purchased three brand new Corvettes and a Cadillac Escalade (total cost over $240,000) from this guy in under a year’s time, and I sent him many new customers. When he went to somebody else for his web hosting because it was cheaper than my recommended $209 per year plan, I kind of thought that was a bad business decision. Then when he asked me about a new website and used my website proposal to shop around, I wanted to kick him in the nuts. Yeah, I kind of felt slapped in the face, but I will still buy a car from him based on the merits of his business … not mine!

I Did Not Buy These Just to Sell a Website!

In summary, don’t “Like” my Facebook, subscribe to my blog, follow me on Twitter, link to this page, kiss my butt with kind comments in my blog, or anything else of the sort if it is only because you want something. Do it because you know I am not full of crap and because you receive value from my hard work.

I may reciprocate, but not because I feel guilty if I don’t.

I have just one more thought for you, and it is what my wife said when I mentioned this subject to her. Here is another way to look at it, and a brilliantly performed song.

Note that since I wrote this, I have replaced the Bonnie Raitt version of the song. Apparently she stopped allowing her YouTube videos to be embedded in web pages. this guy performs it nicely, too!

“I Can’t Make You Love Me“

Dog Photo Credit to wsilver via Flickr

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