friends Archives by Mark Murnahan

Remember Who Your Friends Are … And What They Do, Too!

Everybody Needs Friends: Treat Them Right!

Do you remember who your friends are? If you care about them and respect them, why not consider how they earn a living? Times are hard for a lot of businesses, and it may mean more to them than you think. More than that, you may eventually regret going elsewhere … where they will appreciate you less.

I am reminded of a story of two friends, John and Mike. I introduced them many years ago. John was the number one real estate agent in town, and Mike was seeking to sell his house, and buy another. One day, Mike called John and asked him to evaluate his house for market, and make suggestions for improvements to increase the sale price.

John was glad for the call, and he offered his professional time and efforts to help Mike. A few days passed, and John discovered that Mike had listed the home for sale … but chose a different listing agent. As the top agent in town during a good time in real estate, John certainly did not need the commission, but was disappointed because he had wanted to assist our friend Mike in the sale, and subsequent purchase. Plus, he had been somewhat crudely taken advantage of professionally, by his friend.

John was a bit confused as to why his friend chose a different agent. He feared he had somehow offended Mike with the suggested listing price. No, Mike took his advice on the price. Was it the suggested improvements, the commission, the way he combed his hair? No, no, and no … the agent Mike listed with was a young sexy lady. Mike hoped he may have a chance with her, so he took all of John’s suggestions and listed the house elsewhere.

Once the house was sold and Mike was ready to buy his next house, he still overlooked John. He went with a different agent, again.

I really don’t think John ever felt the same about Mike after that. Whether it is right or wrong, I can understand how John could feel insulted. After all, he would have done the sale transaction and the purchase transaction for his friend, without a commission at all. Ironically, Mike had done a similar thing to me, years earlier, and he was on his way to building a reputation for it.

I am certainly not a fan of implied reciprocity (as you can see if you read that link), but you can probably imagine (or remember) how it feels when a friend overlooks you and buys from your competitor, right? It actually kind of stinks, and it is easy to take it as an insult. It also feels even worse when the friend is hurt by a competitor, when you know you could have saved them the trouble. No, it does not feel satisfying … is stinks!

Have you ever witnessed a friend go somewhere else when they needed something? I have heard speculation about the mindset, but I refuse to understand it or adopt it for my own use. I know that some people think you shouldn’t do business with friends, but I think that is largely a horrible attitude.

I will always try my best to give my business to a friend or acquaintance above a stranger. They may really appreciate that you thought of them, and they may really appreciate the business.

Now I’ll tell you what got me to thinking about this.

What Reminded Me of This?

I recently had a friend ask me if I knew a good option for web hosting. Now, when I say “friend”, I don’t mean just a random acquaintance on Twitter. She has sat at my bar for drinks, she co-chaired a school fundraiser with me, and we have celebrated kids birthdays together. She has sat in my office, and she has even seen and touched the corporate YourNew.com, Inc. Race Team Corvettes. She has also been my friend on Facebook for years. So, I know she knows I do something “Internetty”, and she knows I do it very well. She knows I know a lot about this Internet, so she asked me about web hosting.

The sad thing is that she didn’t really know much about what I actually do, or just how much I am able to help her. It bothered me, but mostly because of how I could benefit her, rather than that her business would pay me a dollar or two per month. That’s why I decided that I am going to start letting more people know.

I know that a lot of people who know me don’t really know or understand my work. I do more than a couple things here on this Internet, but I don’t really promote them very much. It’s mostly kind of an “obvious secret”, in a way, because the majority of my work is operating as “the geek behind the geeks”. I generally don’t promote my services to a retail market, or to friends.

You see, aside from my work as a marketing guy, I founded a company sometime over a decade ago, as a merger of two other companies. That company sells Internet services to wholesale clients … who often sell those same services to resellers, who sell them to the public. We’ve been very successful at that market segment, and retail sales are a minimal part of what we do.

We sell web hosting to web hosting companies. You knew it had to come from somewhere, right? In fact, if you have used the Internet very long, there is a very high probability that you have used services I have created or brokered. The company is still my full-time employer after all these years, and I work there as the CEO.

So, why don’t I promote that to my blog readers? It is mostly because I have enough search engine traffic and recognition in that specific area of the industry that it is just a distraction to what I do here at aWebGuy.com. In any case, if you are in need of any of the many Internet-related services we provide, I’m always happy to help … I am just not out to push those on you. In fact, you may even see Google ads for my competitors right here on my blog. It’s ironic, right? 😉

Let Me Show You Why I Have a Reputation

I want to show you why I have a good reputation in my industry. I’m going to start with this: If you have been a reader for a while, you probably have some sense of who I am. You may even know a good amount about my principles and my ethics. You can probably tell that this is not some big scam waiting to suck you in.

Today, I have decided to offer web hosting to my readers and friends at a rate of $10 per month, or $5 per month for ten or more websites. I was going to say free, but come on … having a guy to call who really knows his stuff has got to be worth something, right? I’m not just offering basic web hosting, either. I will include the same web hosting system that is used here at aWebGuy.com … which clearly exceeds an average demand when it comes to web hosting. I’ll even include all the bells and whistles like website builders, ecommerce tools, plenty of email, and support for about any technology you can dream up … just ask me.

Better yet, I will provide your web hosting technical support, myself. Sure, I will have my tech support folks waiting in the wings in case you encounter something really pressing and I am in the shower or otherwise cannot take your call … but I will be the live voice at the other end of the line if you need web hosting help. How many CEOs do you know who will do that? I’ll bet that “Daddy” guy won’t take your call on his way to pick the kids up at school.

In fact, to take me up on this offer, I want you to contact me directly, and I will personally help you to set up your account and walk you through the basics. Now that doesn’t sound like such a scary offer, does it?

The one caveat is that you subscribe to my blog and keep reading to learn more about how to use that web hosting to build your business. If you are a subscriber, just ring me up and introduce yourself. I’ll be delighted to help you.

If you need web hosting, or you need better web hosting, contact me. I’ve provided web hosting for over a decade, including many websites you know and trust. Maybe even your bank, your city, your hospital, or your university. It’s better to trust somebody you are familiar with than trusting a total stranger.

I also want to add that if you know somebody else in the industry … by all means, call them! I really do believe it is valuable to do business with people you know and trust. I think it is always important to know who your friends are, know what they do, and remember them when they can help.

Oh, and one more thing … this is just for new web hosting accounts. I can’t just give away the whole farm. If you are already paying me more, I’m confident there’s a good reason for it. 😀

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Social Media and the Underestimated Value of Being Liked

When you think about your social media marketing efforts, it may be easy to consume yourself with all of the facts, figures, demographics, psychographics, website visitors, and how getting it all just right will help your business to succeed. I have written what feels like a squillion words about reaching the right people, being useful, gathering data, dissecting the data to measure your marketing efforts, and other fine things.

Something that I find a lot of people underestimate is the value of being liked. I do not mean “liked” in the sense of somebody clicking “Like” on Facebook, either. I mean, actually being likable and not just because you are offering your awesome stuff at spectacular prices with free shipping. I mean giving people reasons to hold you, or your brand, in high regard.

Each and every one of us has a level of trust among our friends. Even the worst people you will ever meet have the benefits of clout. Even if it is only their mother, there is somebody who holds them in high regard and cares about their opinion. The most common reason is that they are liked.

It reminds me of something a good friend of mine says as he nervously awaits his results each election year. He says “As a politician, I can only count on two votes … mine, and my mother.” Fortunately for him, he is very well liked, and he was recently elected for his fifth term in the Kansas Legislature.

A truth that every successful politician knows very well is that even with the best political platform and massive visibility, it will all fail if they are not likable. This does not just mean being likable enough to get elected, but likable enough to create action in a desired direction. You can still polarize people and be liked and respected. In fact, polarizing an audience is a good way to know who really does like you.

With little exception, each one of us has a group of people who respect us, like us, listen to us, and follow our advice. Being likable is not always as easy to measure as we prefer, but if it was, we would probably all walk through our lives feeling really bold and confident about how we influence somebody … at least somebody.

In case you ever doubted it, this should come as great news for you. You have influence, but where did you get it? If you think about this, it often comes from being liked, more than from any other factor. You may doubt it, or have a bad day and overlook it sometimes, but being liked, or lack thereof, is a big factor in the success of almost anything you attempt.

Like and dislike are not the only two options. There is a wide chasm of indifference between the two. If you want to be liked, you must give people reasons. That is how you move them across the chasm.

Testing the Theory of Being Liked

As a test of the value of being liked, let’s picture two people. It does not really matter what they do for a living, but we will say they are “rocket surgeons”. They went to school for brain surgery and followed it up to become rocket scientists. Both are clearly smart and capable, but which one wins?

Rocket Surgeon Jim is a person you respect highly for his genius ideas and brilliant works in his field, but you do not consider him overly likable. He is polite, but he is just not the kind you gravitate to at a party. Something about Jim seems uncomfortable, and you sometimes wonder how sad and boring it must be to be Jim’s wife. Jim is not a bad person, but he seems a little bit “robotic” and not much of a people person.

Rocket Surgeon David is somebody who is perhaps a notch or two less genius than Jim, but you like David very much. He is quite competent, but his likability alone seems to open doors for him. Just the mention of David’s name brings about good thoughts, and he is the kind of person you like to be around … or maybe even the kind of person you want to be more like.

Which rocket surgeon do you think will find more success in their endeavors?

The value of being likable comes in widely varying degrees, but it always matters. In my estimation, you are probably not too excited to do business with “Rocket Surgeon Jim”, right? Further, you will probably not recommend him to others, like those people I mentioned, who are influenced by you.

Now, if you turn this around and think about how others will respond to you if they do not like you, it is easy to see how it can hurt a business. I mean any business, and even the most genius ones, doing the most brilliant work. Being liked does not just mean keeping people from disliking you, but also actually giving them reasons to like you.

I do not wish to imply that you must be a people-pleaser, but giving reasons to be liked and not just being “robotic” is worth the effort.

Likability Applied to Social Media

The power of being liked is especially evident when you apply it to the vast, and fast moving vehicle of influence, which is social media.

Being genuinely likable, whether as an individual, or as a brand, offers the best possibility to improve the chances of achieving your objectives. If you neglect the importance of being likable, and you just operate as a machine, you are missing the biggest of all assets. Even the least suspecting people you meet will influence somebody, and if they like you, something great could happen.

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Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Etc.: All Those Friends and Now What?

Making friends is fun. Some of them just touch us for a moment, and some of them last a lifetime. Social media has changed a lot of our communications, and sometimes for the better. Usually it is for the better, but not always.

Over the past decade and a half or so, I have acquired a lot of contacts online. I try to keep a sense of closeness with them, and I still enjoy the friendship of many old friends from the once-popular AOL and Yahoo! social networks. In fact, one in particular stands out. We met ten years ago and became close as members of a Yahoo! chat group that got together every Friday night. We were married eight and a half years ago, built multiple successful companies together, and have three darling children now. A sad and frightening thought that occurs to me is whether with today’s astonishing level of social media static and frenzy to reach so many people, whether she would have even heard me.

What Happens When Social Media Gets Too Noisy?

I really care about my social networks, and they bring a lot into my life. I enjoy reconnecting with old friends from way back, and reminiscing about our crazy times as kids. I enjoy the many business relationships that I have built through social networking. I enjoy meeting new people who can make hot coffee shoot from my nose as I laugh at their uncanny wit, or who make me feel more love and compassion with stories of their lives. I suspect that you can relate to this on some level.

There is scarcely a day when I do not receive something that I hold dear, if only for a moment, that has come to me by way of my social networks. I think this is true for many of us, or otherwise social networks would likely lose much of their audience. We would lose much of our audience of friends who bring smiles with their presence.

In the past few years, the world has created a lot of “friends”, “followers”, “connections”, and etcetera. I guess that made it feel cozier when we call people “friends”, even if they are just another random person willing to check out our lives in exchange for checking out their lives. After all, by having “friends”, it is pretty easy to feel as if people like you, or at least pay attention to you. They express it every time they “like”, “comment”, “share”, “retweet”, and etcetera.

Social media satisfies our need to connect with others. Sometimes it just satisfies our need to be heard. It makes us feel popular, and it validates us. It is often something emotional, even for those who do not acknowledge it as emotion. We each want to connect on some level, and social media does that for us. It lets us collaborate, connect, share, and feel a sense of togetherness that is otherwise unlikely or impossible through pre-Internet channels. It is usually just fine, but if you are not diligent and attentive with social media, it can all begin to sound like static.

How Could Social Networking Possibly Go Wrong?

My short answer to how social networking can go wrong is that it can go wrong in more ways than it can go right. Perhaps the worst of all is a sense of static noise from having so many people trying to communicate with you, and not having an orderly way to keep the static down and let the important information through.

I am not saying that there is a defined “right way” and “wrong way” to enjoy your social media. What I am saying is that it is really easy to overlook the things which make it more fun, productive, and sustainable for long term objectives … whatever the objectives may be. Some of us want more friends, love, admiration, or perceived respect for having a squillion “friends”. Some of us want more business, more consciousness, more votes, or more peace of mind knowing that we are not all so different after all. The individual reasons we use social networks are as unique as our thumb print.

The worst thing that I see go wrong within social media is static noise. It is really common that people will pick up a huge number of “friends”, “followers”, “connections”, and etcetera, but then have absolutely no use for them, or value to them.

Have you ever sent something out there to your social networks and wondered how, with all of those so-called “friends” that it could possibly happen that none of them responded? Sure, it could be that you just said something so mundane and boring that staring at a blank sheet of paper would have been more exciting to them. This is usually not as likely as the possibility that they are overwhelmed with static from so many other people (their “friends”), that they totally forgot about adding you to their special list of people to give attention to.

Can you relate to this? I mean, have you ever found out that an old friend was sick, dying, or just had a fantastic day … or maybe just got the job promotion they so clearly deserved? Did you ever find out much later than you wish? I have, so I am certainly not pointing any fingers.

Sometimes life gets in the way, and we are surely each guilty of doing less than we could. The possible causes for the disconnection are numerous, but there are usually more reasons to reconnect with old friends. So, give it a try. What is the worst that could happen?

What is the Solution? Reconnect! … But How?

There are a lot of possible solutions to help avoid this tragedy of communications gone the way of static noise. Of course, there are a lot of great social media monitoring tools, but even with all the technology in the world, you still have to use them to get any benefit.

My suggestion today is that you take a little time to go through your list of friends, followers, and connections and try to reconnect with them. If they are somebody you found a particular interest in, or has shown an interest in you at some point, add them to a list or subscribe to their comments. Most social networks have the capability to create lists to help keep you in touch with people. Keep up with what they have to say. Let them know it, too. Interact, engage, communicate … you know, all of those things you used to do with them. Give them some feedback! If you have a blog, go back through some old comments and find out who used to always be there, but is less active than they once were. Do the same thing across other social media channels. Think about the people who provided some influence to you when you needed it. Bring them closer and don’t let the static get in the way.

If you feel like you have too much to keep up with, a little list-making effort will help you remain close to the ones you care about or respect the most. If you think really hard, I’ll bet there are some pretty great people who just slipped through the cracks of your everyday life. Reconnecting with these people and keeping them in a special list can be a huge help when struggling with all the static noise.

What do you think? Have you ever been let down, or let somebody else down just because their communication got lost in the static? Don’t be shy … be social! I have a comment form here on my blog, and it is there to connect and share. Tell others what you think, and if you have suggestions for managing relationships, by all means, share it!

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