Yes, I really do think that many Twitter users are about as intelligent as the rocks that line the bottom of a fish aquarium. Do I think I am better than them? Oh, if I have to go into that, I will just piss you off and show what an arrogant, annoying, and “better-than-you” person I really am. If you really want the truth, I may have to write another book just to explain how much smarter and better I really am. Hmm? I think I will get to work on that one right away, in fact. This is not because it will sell tons of copies, but just so I can get it off my chest and so that I can continue with more self-righteous Twitter use.
WOW! You must think I am biting the hand that feeds me. After all, I wrote a book about Twitter, I have spent a lot of time masterfully deceiving all of those Twitter minions and collecting their precious dollars to further implement my evil plot to take over the world. *Mwah haa haa haa* laughs the evil scientist of social media. “I will exact my revenge upon you and you will now do as I say.” Oh, yes, that is me … the evil social media scientist, plotting my revenge and sucking up your precious nickels-and-dimes-per-book royalties to fund my massive takeover of all things that once existed in your mind. You have no mind now, and your thoughts belong to me.
OK, a little less drama may be in order. Something that I added in that silly little book was “The Antagonist”. What I did not have time to include as I rushed through my semi-masterful plot to take over the planet was that many Twitter users love to argue and mince words to prove that they are right and you are wrong. There you have it … Twitter sucks. Every Twitter user knows it all, and even if they do not, they will bitch and moan to their friends until you give up and let them have their glory.
Am I kidding you? Yes, partially, but not entirely. I encountered a response just moments ago that embodied the minced words and drama of social media. I sent a message with a lot of meaning behind it, and it was met with an unsupported and negative comment from a Twitter user whom I always kind of saw as positive. This time, it was not. I direct messaged him to ask for clarification. I even stated that his message seemed much unlike himself, because I had always considered him a more positive and upbeat person. He asked his users to chastise me because I had replied to him in a direct (private) message asking for clarification. He claimed that he had tried to keep it private but apparently since I made a general statement that I had an antagonist (no names given) that I would like to invite for a live video Webcast, his stupid little boy gloves were off. I wish he had taken me up on that Webcast. The amazing thing was that the only private message I received from him was a single word, and I quote “Yup.” Well now, that was insightful, right?
The dumbness goes on … A few days ago, I held a video Webcast, as I always do on Friday nights, which allowed for others to join in and turn on their Webcam to participate in fun and social discussions. A woman came in and started extolling her greatness and stated that she had received a million unique visitors to a given tweet. She then overran the whole Webcast with her recommendations of who we should all follow, and blabbed on for a long time about some crap. This was a Webcast that I have hosted for a long time, and I never met this egotistical loudmouth in my life. While this happened, I was receiving private messages asking why I had not cut her video feed off. Yeah, a million unique visitors from one Twitter message … try again! I think I saw that same thing once, but that was after I bumped my head REALLY hard and then I woke up. She was purportedly a friend of a friend, so I tried to avoid confrontation. *Damn dumb Mark.*
Of course, I waved the bullshit flag on her million unique visitors statement, and she back-pedaled to say that a million people could have seen it. Oh yeah, but that was only if they gave a damn about her blah blah blah about yada yada yada. The craziness came in when she started throwing ultimatums to others that if they did not unfollow me that she would block them or whatever such crap. I had a lot of people telling me that it was a huge drama for her, and for her minions. One of them just keeps on begging people to unfollow me for disrespecting her by asking her to leave. It seems funny how his continued defense of her and expected offense to me could get him anywhere he wants to be in life. Note to that dude: “She will still not get naked with you, Chump.”
To all of this, I have to say “Who gives a damn?” I mean, really, if you do not like me, if you think that I am out there to put an endangered spotted owl between a couple pieces of bread for lunch while I make my excursion to go club baby seals and hunt whales while throwing out matches to light forest fires on my way to the “Ruin the World” convention … click your unfollow button and create a better life! You deserve it … really, even if I do not!
To those who seek joy in arguments and take their win from promoting negativity, you really need my latest book! It is titled “Living in the Storm” and it is available for sale TODAY. Get your life straight and stop nagging others for things that really do not matter to your own life. Heck, if you are so desperate for something to do, maybe you should feed your mind instead of only feeding your egotism. Twitter is not your bitching board for showing how screwed up and cynical you are. It has much more positive uses.
One last note for those Twitter knuckleheads: If I am such an awful influence, why do they keep putting stuff like this about me out there on the Internet?
